We all have firsts in our lives, and tonight I must as=dd another to mine: My first Christmas without my parents. When I first realized it and let myself think about the possibilities of the holidays this year, I was in a sheer panic. How could I do the holidays without them? Without their love? Without the family traditions? I knew that no matter what it would not be as terrible as last year, but that still did not make me fear the unknown any less.
I went into panic and started making travel plans for each of the holidays. Never plan trips in a panic. That is not the proper mindset. As It turned out, I needed to stay home for family. Funny how God will put you where you need to be, when you need to be there.
But Christmas hasn’t been as bad or as horrible or as sad as I thought it would be. It’s actually been kind of…nice. There was church service with some dear friends, because you cannot forget what Christmas is truly about. Then lunch with another best friend. Soon afterward it was time to go home to have family time.
There was a last minute trip to the store, last minute wrapping, and gift giving. There were new traditions of card games and a Christmas Eve Spaghetti dinner.
And that is what life is all about, helping each other. No doubt I would not be making it through this Christmas with out my wonderful friends. And I was able to serve others as well. I was able to give gifts, cook for family, clean up and provide good family time. One of my purposes in life is serve others. I want to cook and be of service to those I love. I want those who enter my home to feel good, and loved, and calm and wanted. Sounds terribly domestic, but it’s true. And no better time than Christmas.
And there still is a little ways to go this Christmas. This Eve has been a balance between helping and being helped, of giving and receiving love.
And now, as I sit in my comfy warm bed, in my fuzzy soft PJ’s, sipping wine, watching TV and snuggling with the kitties, I know that there is nothing to fear. While there may be moments where I break down and cry, I will be OK, because I am surrounded by love And there are the origins of the new Christmas, and the new traditions. I am proud of myself, thankful for those who love me, and for this Christmas.
Nothing warms the hearth like love and happiness.
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