My Holiday Promise – To Myself

I have been the responsible one for a while now.  I took care of both of my parents as they died, took care of all arrangements and have taken care of everything since then too.  I am tired.  So this holiday season…I have made a promise to myself: I will only have fun. No responsibility.

When faced with the choice of staying at home, trying to hash through all of the family holiday stuff, and moping, constantly being reminded of the what I have lost, or getting out of town and having fun, seeing old friends and meeting new ones…I choose the latter.  Maybe next year I will be different, but this year I am not moping.  So I shall celebrate that I am alive, and here, and want to have fun.

I have had enough of the doom and gloom. I have had enough of doing everything myself, had enough of being responsible and taking care of others.  This year I do what I want. And I want, I need, a break.  I need to live life for myself, I need to be selfish and say that everyone else will just have to figure it out for themselves.

Thanksgiving will be spent in Texas seeing friends.  I have never been to the fine state, but have been given tips on what to see.  I cannot wait.  It will be good to just BE. New Years Eve will be in New Orleans. I was there for New Years a few years ago and had a wonderful time.  I have many friends there and, though my preference is to have hot, passionate sex on New years Eve (did I just type that out loud?), if that is not possible, I might as well party with my friends in the Big Easy.

I am not sure about Christmas yet, as that is the tough one.  Where ever I am it will be good. And there will be love.

And so I promise myself to just BE this holiday season.  To let life happen and enjoy  it. And if you are reading this and would like to join me, hop in the car, there is always room for more. That is the thing about life, there is always room for more if it. So join me, won’t you?

Cowboy take me away

This weary soul needs a break

This forever holiday

I am not sure how much more it can take

 

So let me be free

let me scream with delight

all this wonder let me see

The season by the starlight

 

Let me wilt and cry all the tears

Let me separate from the sorrow

Feel what I have missed these years

It’s just your arms I may barrow

 

Let me be vulnerable and let go

Let me enjoy NO responsibilities

of the sadness of the last days

only want the possibilities

 

I want to need without shame

Let me be weak so I can be strong

I need to feel  like it won’t be the smae

Replace grief with joy and song

 

Oh let me see over the horizon

From wanderlust to sunset

I need you see, I am no island

Take me away so I can forget

 

Let me snuggle under the blanket

of your friendship and care

Laughter, smile, and good times

Memories and stories to share

 

Yes, cowboy take me away

As I shed this life, this skin

I am free of it all, starting today’

I know now that I can win