We all have those things which we hate to do. Packing and moving is one of those things for me. When I moved into the current house the plan was to stay for at least a few years, decide where I want to be and buy a house from there. The landlord’s decided to put the house up for sale at the end of the lease, which is the end of this month, so move I must.
All of us at some point have been surprised by our emotional reactions to things. And again that has been the case with me right now as well. I had no idea that packing up and moving from this house would be such an emotional thing. I have cried while packing up. Leaving this house is leaving where my Dad last lived. It is leaving where I last saw him happy. Where we spent Christmas and week night diners. It is where we had family movie night and where we gathered and laughed and where I took care of him. It is where I have wonderful memories.
And this place where I am moving, there are no memories. There is no evidence of my father at all. At that is heartbreaking to say. And liberating and exciting.
There are also no memories of the horrible ex, no memories of where he threw his temper tantrums, or him slamming things around. No memories of where he was cruel or did hurtful things.
The fact is that this house was such a blessing to find at the exact time it was needed. It was a safe shelter, it was a place of healing for my father. It was a beautiful place which the holidays could happen. But it is also full of memories that make me sad. I need a fresh start, a clean slate. But it does not mean that leaving here is any easier.
But it is exciting to know I will be in the new place. It is time to move forward and get on with my life. The new house is beautiful – on the water, on a lake. It has a Koi pond, it has plenty of space for all of the furniture, and a great neighborhood. And I know that it is the right thing to do, I know my parents are smiling down – the name of the road is Day Lily, one of my mother’s flowers. There are pictures of WWII planes in the basement. ANd more than anything, the place feels like home.
The home where I will rebuild myself and my life. Where I will live an amazing life, where love will expand and grow, where my heart will beat again. This is my “retirement” home, as everything is lining perfect for my timeline.
Yes, wrapped up in this move is all of the hopes and dreams of a lifetime. A proper goodbye to this house that was a blessing, and all that happened inside it’s walls.All the more reason to cherish this time of packing and moving.