The Storm

It’s been hard to avoid the news about hurricane Irma. Indeed it landed and today came through Atlanta. Many people were dreading the storm, but I was looking forward to it.

Storms remind me of my father. We would sit out and watch the storms roll in, and watch the lightning, and the intensity as this skies grew dark. He’s the one that taught me all about storms and how to smell them in the air, and listen to them in the wind. I don’t think there’s too many things more beautiful than watching a storm in the sky.

I made sure that all the appropriate safety measures have been taken. The small plants have been secured and the patio furniture brought in. So then it was just time to relax and enjoy.

I spent my time relaxing reading, watching some TV, and enjoying some down time. And then the power went off about 5 p.m. I have a confession: I love power outages. Because then you’re really forced to take it down to the most simple of things. There’ no technology, no TV, no distractions. There is quiet, or the sounds of the storm outside. And there is not much cozier than being inside during a good hard storm.

So I did some work, reading and writing, by the window in the sunlight before it got dark. And when it got dark, the candles came out and the lantern and the batteries for the radio to be on low just in case another weather report came through. 

And I cooked a wonderful meal on the gas stove during the heavy wind and rain. Delicious chicken fettuccine alfredo. And I cooked in the silence of the house, and the sounds of the storm and rain hitting the window. And it was beautiful. And then I sat comfortably at my coffee table so I could write while eating, and enjoyed my delicious meal.

And since then I’ve been enjoying the quiet time in the Darkness, listening to the wind and the rain against the windowpanes. Petting my cats, reading my books, and doing more writing. 

When we are forced to slow down and pay attention to the small things, that’s when we see the everyday Beauty. That is awesome when we can hear our own thoughts, our own minds. But in order to do that we have to be at peace with things ourselves, and that’s why I think some people don’t like the silence  because they can hear their demons.  But I doubt with mine a long time ago  and so now there is only peace. 

And the storm also makes me think of my father and how he would love a storm like this. And I miss him very much. And I will love him always.

The only thing that could have made this night more perfect, was to snuggle up next to my man. To feel his strong arms around me, as I lay my head on his chest, and hear the Rhythm in his breath.

So don’t run away from the storms in life, those storms can wash away the ugly memories, the pain, the hurt. Those storms are a beautiful reminder that every bad time is temporary, and that there is always a new beginning.. 

When the storm is over, the clouds break and the sky is blue again. And you are left with clean. 

So sit back, take a deep breath, light a candle, and enjoy the storm. It can be one of life’s most beautiful gifts.

The Sass is Back

It’s amazing what a good hair cut and color can do. And after I got my hair done by the best stylist in the world, I felt my sassiness back in full force. And it’s about time. I forgot was this kind of confidence felt like. It must look good on me too because I have recived more random compliments than ever. Going to the grocery,p store the gym, the car wash, everywhere there seems to be complements given to me.

Life is to be lived, loved, to be celebrated, to be experienced.  And it is time that the Sass was present.

And I shall not contain it. I will let out the sass, the feisty every chance I get.  Because  girls should be feisty and sassy and spirited and all those wonderful things. We should be wild and free and magnificent.  Forget about obeying and following the rules. Well behaved women rarely make history and they definably don’t have as many great stories. And I have stories, and many more before I am done.

I have been taking care of everyone else since for over 8 years now.  It is time I take care of me, take care of what I want. I put my nephew through college, took care of both of my parents while they were ill and dying, holding her hands and singing them hymns as they passed from this world into God’s hands. I’ve helped my siblings in life too. And last but not least I walked on eggshells for years and stuffed to myself into a box to please a man who ended up cheating on me with prostitutes and strippers anyway. No more.

They say that happiness is a choice. I say yes and no.  Yes, you can decide to be happy in any situation, but sometimes that discomfort or unhappiness motivates us do things that need to be done. If we are not happy in our job, or relationship, our house our car, and whatever, we do have the option of change. Do not dismiss that discomfort too soon and simply paint a smiley face over the unhappy. It won’t work.

What I’ve done, is let that discomfort and I don’t happiness motivate me to move things around to where they need to be to be happy. I’ve said goodbye to negative things and people. Anyone who wants to say that I’m a drama queen, control freak, or have alterior motives. Those kinds of people will not be in my life. People who lie or cheat or manipulate, those thank you. I used my discomfort as a motivation to put my life back in order and get back to Happy.

I was not happy, I grieving and adjusting to the more normal. Finally I am back to my old sassy self.  But not everyone things it is a great thing.  Well, what they think doesn’t matter anymore does it?  What matter is that I am happy.

I am talking about being happy within you with yourself.  being comfortable in your own skin.  And indeed I have had that for a long time.  But this IS different.  I have s no one to answer to, no one to watch over, no one to protect. So my life can truly be whatever I wanted to be.

You must decide that you love yourself and take care of yourself.  You must decide that you are happy even after all the “improvements” are done.

It also takes a lot of work to be and stay happy.  Just like a garden, you must constantly tend to your life and keep the weeds out.  You must make sure that those who are in your life are contributing to your quality of life in some way, or what is that point?

I realized today that part of that is keeping out anyone who makes me feel less than. For 3 years I told every one I could that Mom was sick, she was in trouble and she would die of malnutrition if someone did not help me get her to a doctor.  Three years And no one heard me, no one beleived me mo one took it seriously. I was told I was just being dramatic. No, I wasn’t.

But now I’m in a position where people like that don’t need to be in my life. Because when people don’t believe you, when people are constantly accusing you of things or constantly being negative to you or about you, it sucks the life out of everything. And you will never be happy if you have all of those negative people around you.

It’s amazing what a haircut and color will do. And actually all it really did was remind me of what has been there the whole time. It reminded me that I’m worth it. Looking in the mirror with this beautiful hair cut that says sassy, reminds me that I have to love myself enough to sometimes have tough love with other people. I have to love myself enough to follow the goodness. And I have to love myself enough to flip the bird at anyone who doesn’t like it.

So when you see me coming down the road, radiant, walking confidently, smiling, feeling good, just no the Sass is back.