I have had many conversations as of late about love and relationships. Maybe it is the Universe wanting me to make sure I know exactly what I want this time moving forward. And in these conversations it is amazing to me how many people want the butterflies and passionate fireworks these days. They want the fire and spice where you can’t wait to roll in the bed, sleep all tangled up in each other, if you sleep at all. They want how your heart beats faster when you see that person enter into a room and you cannot keep your mind off of them during the day.
But not me. I do not want the firework or the obsession of not being able to think of anything else. I do not want the butterflies. Why? They are illusions. I don’t trust the butterflies and the faster heartbeats and the fireworks. I want what comes after the butterflies.
It is alarming to me that so many do not realize that love is what happens after the butterflies. And after the butterflies comes a feeling of calm. It is looking at your partner and feeling totally free and completely at home. It is not rushing through the day, because you have to see that person right now. It is the calm knowledge that they will be there when you get home.
After the butterflies is not sleeping all tangled up, glued to each other…instead it is waking up with sleepy eyes and finding comfort in the sound of them breathing next to you. It is reaching out for them when you are not really awake, not really asleep, because you want to know that they are there. It is waking in to morning breath kisses that make you smile because it is what gets you day going even more than coffee. It’s not the up and down roller coaster of wondering what is going to happen next, it is the comfort and calm of knowing inside jokes, stories and history.
After the butterflies is knowing how your partner likes their coffee, or eggs, or steak. It is laughing at silly things that no one understands but the two of you. It is sock feet and warm blankets in the winter while watching their favorite movie that you think is silly, but you watch it anyway just to be close to them…
The last man I lived with I truly loved with all of my heart. I mean I was head over heals. Nothing made me happier than to hear him get ready in the morning, or to snuggle up next to his arm at night, or reach out and touch his leg with mine was we slept. It was pure bliss. I loved cooking for him and doing the laundry and watching him fold it. I loved lazy Saturday mornings and afternoons listening to music. I even loved when we did housework and cooking together.
Because to me, those are the moments of which life is made. Those wonderful, mundane, brilliant, normal, everyday moments that lead to la lifetime of happiness. And if you can find someone with whom you can be blissful with in those moments, then that is indeed a wonderful life….after the butterflies. Not everyone feels the same way however. My ex certainly did not and went looking for the butterflies with prostitutes and strippers, but I digress (I’m not bitter).
The butterflies fade, and many times that partner fades off into the sunset as well. I want what comes after the butterflies because that is what lasts. How do you find that? In don’t know exactly. I don’t think there is a set formula. But I do know that after the butterflies there is peace in the relationship, and that whatever brings you Peace will bring you happiness. So look for a relationship that brings you Peace. That makes you feel free and comfortable and at home.
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