Fear

 “Do one thing every day that scares you”

It is no secret that we all have fears and insecurities. We all have scars and baggage, especially if you are above a certain age.  And most of the time the fears and insecurities we have are not rational.  They are figments of our imagination, but that doesn’t make them seem any less real.

They say that you should do something that scares you every day.  This is pretty much every day to me. Every day I am doing things that scare me.  I have a lot of fears and insecurities in this new part of life. Moving forward is exhilarating but terrifying. And to be honest I have no idea what I am doing.

So here is a list:

Life:  Life right now life is pretty scary.  I know that I write about looking forward and moving forward, and I am, but there is also fear that goes with that. This is a new time in my life and a new way of life.  Figuring out how to build everything up from scratch is a pretty big undertaking.  For the most part I think I have it all under control, but some times I do look around a wonder what I am doing and how am I going to do it?

Love:  This is a big one. I thought I was done with searching  I thought I had found the one, the love of my life and the man I would marry…but he wanted hookers and strippers more than he wanted me. What if men on my age group are just like that?  What if all men in my age range lie and cheat? What if I will never fall in love again?  What if no one ever loves me? More than someone loving me I want to love and have someone who will accept that love. And what about having a family?  I want children and that is scary too.

Work:  It ‘s a big deal and I love what I do.  But this project is big.   It scares me a little.

Moving: It’s always a pain to move…and this is no exception.  But this move is different. And it has a lot more furniture because of all of my parents stuff. Finding another house as great as this one is going to be tough, and the move is going to be tough too.

Myself:  I have some insecurities about weight and sexiness.  I have stayed the same weight for a while now, and once I get back to the gym it will come off, it is just getting there.

Why put all of this out there?  Especially when there is the power of attraction?  If you put fear out there won’t it come back to you?  Well, I think you have to acknowledge it, what ever it is that makes you scared or insecure in order to let them go.  How can you face your fears an get over them if you first do not admit what they are?

And in admitting these are my fears and insecurities they suddenly loose the grip that they have.  Because I am human and imperfect and flawed and scared.  But it is our scars that make us our most beautiful and our most human.

I also believe that happiness is a decision.  And every decision you make is either driven love or fear. And I choose to make decisions of out of love.  So I am going to love myself enough to say that yes I have fears, and I am going to succeed anyway.  I will over come them, I will make them obsolete.

And that is how you handle fear.

 

 

The Resting Place

And the appointment was set I was meeting with another real estate agent to see about selling the family compound down south Georgia. The drive down Friday night was long and slept so well the sound of the Crickets, the frogs, and nature. I arrived in time to see the stars. And it’s amazing how many stars that you can actually see it at night, when you get away from the city in the hustle and bustle.

There are millions of stars out there, that you’ve completely forget about when you’re in your own world. And isn’t that the case in life sometimes, we get so busy and our own little world that we forget that there are millions other Little Worlds out there. We get so involved in our drama and our lives that we forget there’s a whole other world out there full of magic.

That’s why I like coming out here in the middle of nowhere, out in the country because it reminds you it reminds you of how small you really are, it reminds you of the cosmos and that there’s more to life than what’s in front of your nose. It reminds you to keep your priorities straight. And as I looked up at the stars I could feel peace  the presence of my parents and all of their love, I could also feel the presence of God.

And then I got the text message that the real estate agent was not able to make it. It was early in the morning when I got the text message and I rolled back over and I went to sleep. And again I slept soundly and I slept late. And when I woke up I remembered how this is always the place that I went always the place that I came to recharge. When life has worn me down I would always come home for my mother’s hugs my father’s voice and the comfortable beds and the sound sleep. And I would come home and rest, and Mom would make sure that she never woke me up, she would always let me wake up on my own because she knew this was the this was the place where I rested. And so it goes, and it doesn’t bother me that I traveled all this way and the real estate agent wasn’t able to make it.

It’s is a beautiful place and I could never be mad at making a trip down, I could never be mad at this beautiful place where I get so much rest.