Nice Guy or Good Man


“I may be a real bad boy, but baby I’m a real good man.” – Tim McGraw

If you are like most women, you want to date a nice guy.  Well I am sick of these “nice guys”.  I want a Good Man, and there is a huge difference, it has just taken quite a while to understand.  I have always said how much I want a nice guy to date, someone sweet and affectionate and honest and nice…well forget that.  Give me a good man over a nice guy any day, and I will tell you why.

The last man I dated was a “nice guy.” And he was horrible.  Nice guys are what I call the good-on-paper guys, meaning that if you look at their credentials on paper, they look perfect.  Good looking?  Check. Well educated? Check?  Good job/career? Check.  Nice family? Check.  No drugs? Check.  No prior felonies? Check.  The list could go on and on, but basically, once you get to know them you see that beyond the paper pedigree, they really aren’t nice at all.

They don’t care about how they treat people, who who they hurt, or even how or why they hurt them…as long as they get what they want and their image stays in tact.  That is exactly how my ex was.  “No one threatens my reputation!” he would text me after  I refused to stay quiet when I found out he was cheating on me with prostitutes and strippers.  No, he wasn’t concerned about the kind of person he actually was, just what kind of person people thought he was.  My answer to that is: If you don’t want to be embarrassed when people know what you do, then don’t do embarrassing things.  He should have thought about that before hand.

Now, if you met this guy, he would seem very nice and helpful, after all he is a career coach and project manager. He connects people, gives them advice, is Catholic and has a very nice large Catholic family.  He smiles, has manners and says all the right things, everyone likes him and his reputation was pristine…BUT, he is not a good man.

A GOOD MAN, is less worried about his reputation and more worried about his integrity.  This is because any person with good morals, character and integrity will stand up for what’s right and thus will inevitably make a few enemies.  A good man is more worried about his conscience than other people’s perception of him.  I would much rather have a man with enemies but who does what is right, than a good looking, Rico Suave who everyone loves, but who is secretly a jerk.

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” – Winston Churchill

A good man will treat a woman like a lady, no matter how she acts, because he has class.  A good man will not lie to spare someone’s feelings, or just to get what they want from someone. A good man will tell the truth, even when it is difficult, even when there is a chance he won’t get anything he wants.  Because a good man values honesty over opportunity.

A good man is strong enough to shoulder his woman and her troubles.  He would never leave her in the middle of a difficult situation.  A good man has compassion and empathy, because he understands humanity.  A good man will protect a woman, not be whom she needs protecting from.

A good man doesn’t care what others think, as long as he knows he has done the right thing, by God and his own conscience.  A good man will do what is right, not what is easy. It is much easier to make excuses and blame others, but a good man will admit when he is wrong and apologize when needed. A good man has backbone and the courage of his convictions, because he actually has convictions.

A good man is also strong enough to know when he needs help, or when it is time for improvement and self reflection. My last ex , a nice guy, refused any counseling, even after a difficult divorce, a death of a loved one and the demise of our relationship.

A “Nice guy” might say all the right things and be charming a sweep you off your feet, but his actions will not match his words.  A nice guy will always have motives or keep score with the what he does, and expect quick turn around on payback, with interest. A good man’s actions will always match his words because he understands that is how you earn trust. He will not require payback and will not keep score.  Getting something back in return is simply a bonus.

A good man is slow and steady, knowing that anything worthwhile is worth working hard for, whether it’s a job, a career or a woman.  A good man doesn’t blame others or make excuses, is he not entitled.  He simply is.

So give me a good man, I am through with the nice guys.  I don’t care what a man looks like on paper, because paper is two denominational, and real life has more layers and angles than can be measured.  Give me a man who has the depth and breadth to handle life beyond the paper machete cut out of himself. I want that man.

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