It has taken a while to happen, and it has taken a lot of work, a lot of tears a lot of processing. But there is finally here. Peace. I have Peace. I am at Peace. And it feels wonderful.
I am at peace with my past. At peace with all that has transpired. At peace with the death of my parents, though I will always miss them. At peace with the end of the toxic relationship that needed to end. I am at peace with the mistakes I have made, and the things I have done, and the things I have left undone.
With Peace there is also a sense of calm and balance and stability. This may seem counterintuitive to the excitement I have also been feeling, but they go hand in hand. It is simple and basic – that which brings you peace will make you happy.
There is no internal struggle, or external struggle for that matter. It is felt deep in the soul, where the light dances with the dark. It is hard to describe except everything is good. Everything is right. It is what happens when you love until there is nothing left. It is what happens when, like the Velveteen Rabbit, you become Real. It is what happens when you and God rebuild yourself. And you become very protective of it. When you feel Peace like this, you don’t want anything to disturb it again.
And so you learn to walk away from anything that causes a wrinkle in in it, the Peace that rocks you to sleep at night. And so I want to keep this feeling, this wonderful calm after al the storms. And I want it to become the foundation on which I build.