To Decide


“You need to decide if your just going to be that guy who sleeps with Jules for a few months, then she dumps you and we all ostracize you, or if you are really going to be there for her. But if you’re there for her, you’re there for all of it, all the crazy too.” – Ellie, Cougartown

For the first time in two years I went on a first date.  And it was nice. I was actually nervous.  He has a great sense of humor, smart and has the facial hair thing. There was nervous small talk that grew into a conversations, smiles and some laughs.

The fact is that life is messy.  And I am a little rusty.  But I am ready for the good stuff.  I am ready to be with someone who cares, who talks and communicates, and who sticks around for the rough spots. I want a hot slow burn that lasts and not a flames of passion that come one strong and fade just as fast.

And so I move forward, one foot in front of the other, one date at a time an open heart an an open mind.  Someone who sees that I am worth it, someone who is kind and compassionate, someone who gives as good as they get.  Is that from this first date? Who knows…but at least I am still capable of truly believing in love – that is does exist somewhere out there. My little heart has been through a lot.  It still beats.

And it dawned on me that life is resetting.  There is a new job, there will be a new place to live after the lease it up and there will be a new man. It seems that everything that was involved in the death of my parents is being reset and flushed out of my life.

And so the adventure of possibilities begins.

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