Some numbers have deep significance in our lives. They could be addresses, birthdays, a particular age, it could be anything really. Today, the numbers that are important to me are 2.0 and 9.5.
Today it is the two month anniversary of my father’s death. He died 7.5 months after my mother, so today those are the two numbers that are stuck in my head.
This morning I woke up reflective but not overwhelmed with sadness. I remembered wonderful, beautiful memories with both of them. Said little prayers for them and looked at pictures of all of us together. Last night I curled up and took a nap in his bed, surrounded by his pillows and the scent of my father. And I cried.
I am happy that they are together and no longer suffering any illness or pain. I know that they are happy, together in eternity. And I know that they are watching over me, with me all the time. But I do miss them. I miss their physical presence in my life. I miss their voices, their hugs, their conversations, their cooking, their laughter and just them.
I think that they are proud of me, down here, as I am moving forward in this new normal. I think my Mom might be impressed that her plants are still alive and not brown sticks. Dad, well, my shoes are still everywhere, but the clothes are not all over the floor, so he would be proud of me for that. And for how I am handling everything, I think. And I know that they love and appreciate my friends who have stood by me and helped me these last months.
So tonight I will make a toast to them, my wonderful,loving parents. I will smile at the thoughts and memories of them. And I hope to continue to make them proud.