Most say that falling in love should be an effortless thing. And for the most part I agree. Except when it is falling in love with your life. Sometimes you have to set out to find the magic, especially when things have been hard. You must just make up your mind, because what is the alternative? Being angry and bitter? Those are not options for me.
And I find myself falling in love with my life again – slowly. I am finding magic in the ordinary, the every day. I am finding through spending time in my own company, that I like myself.
But just how do you fall in love with your life?
First it is a process. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes dedication, because somehow, falling in love with your life, as is, can be easier said than done. Why is that? Maybe because you also have to forgive yourself. You have to admit your mistakes and shortcomings, forgive yourself, accept that you are human and move on, as you try to do better than the day before.
I have accepted my shortcomings. I have made mistakes, I have come up short, I have failed. I have hurt and disappointed others in the process. But I did try my hardest. Sometimes, that was not enough. And I have said my apologies, to others and to myself. I have asked for forgiveness, from myself, from God and from those whom I have hurt. I am complicated and flawed. And I love myself anyway. I hope you do too.
And you have to ask what it is that you want? And I want a life full of love. I was on that track before life blew up, now I am picking up where that trail left off except with a deeper understanding of life. I want joy and happiness, and what is good and authentic. I want ridiculous romantic love. Not all the flash, but the slow burn of true and deep with a man who will be a true partner. I want loyalty and laughter. Family, friends, a happy bright home. Success and abundance, creativity.
My mother always told me that the painful times will carve out deep places in our soul. And while it hurts, the spaces in our soul are deeper than they were before, leaving us with the ability to feel love and everything else in life much deeper. That is true. I feel to a higher degree now, knowing the sorrow of loss. And the love we are able to feel, goes deep and fills in the cracks, making us stronger than we were before. We are stronger because of the pain, because it allows for more love.
And now, I move on, letting go of the past, looking forward to the future, dedicated to making an effort every day to find the magic and see the goodness deeper than before. There is life all around me. I see it in the trees, hear it in the birds. There is love everywhere – in my family, in my friends, in the world. I don’t even have to look for it, it is just there. And there is God’s unconditional love and Grace.
A time of great upheaval and unhappiness often signals a time of great change. And that has definitely been the case. But we can still have faith in that change, no matter how difficult or uncomfortable. That is a process too. And when we come out of the other side, we look around at the new landscape of our lives and the transformation of ourselves. We cannot ever be the same, nor would we want to be. To be the same would negate the significance of what happened. And it would keep us from growing into the deeper, finer, better, humans that we are destined to be.
So I am going to enjoy this process. It is time for life. It is time to fall in love again, and that starts with who is in the mirror. Love that comes from the inside is the light that cannot be extinguished. And it draws others close, with it’s warmth and authenticity.