It was something I had not done in many years – horseback riding. But it was a beautiful day there was an opportunity. I called the day before, inquiring about a gift certificate for a spa left over from Christmas from the ex (I just wonder if he gave me such a great gift at the time because he was cheating?) And when I found out the spa had packages with a local horse back riding company, I knew this was perfect.
As soon as I got up in the saddle, it all came back to me, even though it had been several years. The saddle felt good, the reigns moved easy in my hands. The house was responsive, sensing I knew the controls. And the weather was perfect. Horseback riding is not a spectator sport and you must be aware and an active participants every second you are on the horse. Because horses are very perceptive and they can tell the minute you stop paying attention.
And we all need that sometimes, something to completely get immersed in.
And then after the hour long ride, it was time to be pampered, so it was off to the spa for a massage and sugar scrub. And it was on the drive to the spa that I had a realization: I don’t miss him. I thought I would, but I didn’t. The last months have been so terrible and so much unrest and unpeace. So much anger from him, so much of him lashing out hurting me. Even this past week, he is so set on vengeance. I loved him and tried to be friends, tried to work things out even…but he how could there be anything after ?
And I move forward. This house is no longer scary alone, It is becoming my home, where he will never be again, where he will never hurt me. Where he will never lie to me again. Where he will never be inside these walls.
This house, this home, is mine. This life is mine. And life is what you make it. And this little life of mine will be full of love and happiness.