October 18, 2016 – AdaLamar's Blog

In this world of bigger is better, more is best and the more you can accomplish and cram in one day the more important you are…it is important to pace yourself.

There is so much to this week, even with things slowing down a bit. And I struggle not to be overwhelmed and not to be tempted to unpack and organise trough the night. Not everything has to be done today or tonight. Indeed, one must have a good pace in order to complete the race.

My schedule has been non stop since early April, maybe March. Dealing with Mom’s degrading health, planning the sibling reunion, having the reunion, Mom’s death, moving Dad in with us, organizing the move into the bigger house, unpacking, getting ready for moving all of Dad’s things in, and getting settled in a new job – in addition to family issues. It’s a lot!

And I am feeling burned out. I am struggling to not burn out.

What is the solution? I don’t know. What I can say is that tonight, I must pace myself. Tonight I put our relationship first. Salmon steaks, wine and some smiles and plans. Your must make sure your priorities are in line and conducive to a healthy, happy life. And that takes effort. It takes effort to pull away from the brink of burnout to make your partner know that they are important and that you appreciate them. It takes pacing yourself to make the time necessary for care and nurturing that relationship.

It is so important right now, with all the changes, that I take care of those I love, including myself.

And so it goes tonight. And maybe the answer is the pace of it all. Maybe it is in slowing down, taking a breath, saying a prayer and making the effort that we find ourselves anew.

I have long had the theory that if you do something with love, it will be felt throughout. This past weekend is a great example. My father wanted several of his belongings and pieces of furniture moved up. A new home doesn’t really feel like it’s yours until you have your most favorite things around you.

And so my man and I went down to Mom and Dad’s, loaded up a 16’ truck full of his favorite things and drove them up to the new house. Dad is taking full advantage of the fact that there is space for his things now. So, with the help of some wonderful friends, we unloaded the truck and arrange Dad’s new room.

When my father returns, he will find his room full with his bed, his desk, his favorite chair and other items he picked to have with him. My man and I arrange everything last night, moving heavy solid wood furniture, pulling out the tape measure with blinding speed, trying not to fall over the cats and trying not to trip over each other. The result is warmth that you can feel as soon as you walk in the room. A room filled with, arranged with and designed with thought and love. It is my favorite room in the house so far.

It seems that when you are doing for another, being of service to them, whatever love is felt is returned ten-fold. Doing things for Dad helps me feel better. It makes me feel as if Mom is smiling as she watches over us. It melts away all my heartache, channels it into something positive, and makes me smile. Serving others helps me heal. I can no longer do for Mom, but I can do for those she loved most and make sure they are good. And the is no doubt she loved Dad the best and the most.

Now, to arrange the rest of the house in the coming weeks. To make it ours, warm and comfortable. A sanctuary in a crazy world, a place of rest and peace. And love.

Special note: I am the luckiest woman in the world to have such a wonderful man as my partner. He has been there for me, putting up with me in my emotional, grieving state. He has been patient, letting me cry when needed. He has been amazing to my father, treating him with nothing but kindness and respect. He has lifted and moved heavy furniture, called on his friends to help, done dishes and laundry, eaten questionable cooking, and watched TV shows just because I liked them. I have been treated with more kindness, grace, gentleness and love that I deserve or could possibly hope.

There is a saying that when a woman is loved the right way, she becomes 100 times more than she ever could have been. He has shown me this is true. And I am blessed.