Sometimes we find ourselves in interesting places while trying to get back into the rhythm of life. This is where I find myself. Three months after Mom’s passing, which still seems so surreal, we are all starting to get into the rhythm of forward movement.
In many ways is it the land of Almost (Which I wrote about here). I say almost, because I am not there yet. But it feels like the brim of many things. I am almost back into life, almost feeling like myself, almost back into the swing of things. We are almost unpacked, almost settled, and I almost know what I am doing. At work I am almost done with a few projects, my clothes almost match, and I almost feel like I look like I have it almost together.
It is peculiar, this place. No longer there, but not quite at the other. It is better, as I come out of the darkness. I almost have a routine, and it feels good. Get up, make coffee for Dad, discuss what is going on for the day. At lunch it is either running a quick errand, eating at my desk or running home for lunch. After work is maybe going to the store for ingredients, then cooking, a little clean up and spending time with talking with my boyfriend about the day. Still have to finish unpacking and figure out things like when to work out or watch TV.
A return to the routine after months of holding on, letting go and breathing out. The bittersweet relief of normal. I look pictures of my mother, noticing her features as I inspect my own in the mirror. There are enough similarities that I know I can do this. And I sleep warmly under a blanket which she picked. She and God equipped me with all that is needed, and she loved me enough for a lifetime. Soon it will no longer be Almost…soon it will be a rhythm of life and love and hope and all the wonder that they hold.
AdaLamar's Blog 