Having it All


“What have you done, on your own?  What have you accomplished, standing on your own two feet, to make a positive contribution to society and show you are not just a burden to those around you?”

I have so much respect for those who get off their butts and go out into the world to make something of themselves.  Those who do not expect others to support them while they sit and play.  So many of my friends are amazing women (and men), who have carved out a space for themselves. made a positive contribution, worked hard and accomplishes much.  But that is not all that they have done.

They have become some of the most amazing human beings along the way.  They are amazing, strong, compassionate women and I am beyond proud to have them as friends and confidants.

I was having a conversation with one of them last week, catching up, talking about the many thing going on in our lives.  She is pregnant, and she and her husband will have 7 children in their blended family when this little girl is born (yes, Seven!). She has been one of the top rated female Dj’s in  Atlanta and Nashville, she has written a book, hosts a podcast, has been the spokes person for autism and is now raising a bunch of children, making sure all are fed, cleaned and homework is done.  I am in awe of her.

“Let’s face it, having it all sucks!”

And yet she cannot do it all.   And neither can any of my friends.  And these are amazing women who are smart, confident, capable and confident.  My pregnant friend said she was talking with a mutual friend who said that she was exhausted trying to have and do it all, and she was just accepting the fact that somethings we not going to get done.  But that she was afraid of being judged because she couldn’t do it .

To me, this is a refreshing reminder that no matter ow together we are, or together we think other people are, we are all just human.  None of us can do it all.  Which means that when one part of our lives is going well and is perfect, another part is a mess.  Am I am bad person because this makes me happy?  No, it makes me human that I am happy that others are human, just like me.

I have always , been on my own, everything I have I have worked hard for and earned on my own.  And the same with all of my friends.  None of us have depended on another, a boyfriend or husband, to support us.  We got out and made it happen ourselves.  And I may not have as much as others, but what I do have is mine.  But…

But often times my house is a mess.  The bed isn’t made, dishes are in the sink on any given day, the floor needs to be mopped and carpet vacuumed, and let’s not even get into to the dusting of things…If you try to do it all, have it all, you will just end up being tired and cranky.

The bottom line is, whether you stay home and take care of the kids, or you have a career, at least work hard and contribute something. Don’t depend on or be a burden to those around you. Don’t use people or expect them to support you if you are not willing to go out and support yourself.  Basically, don’t be a mooch.

You can’t do everything, but at least do something to contribute. Be passionate about providing for yourself, being in control of your own life.  Stand up on your own two feet. As long as you do this….don’t worry about not being able to do it all.  The fulfillment you will have in contributing what you can, is enough.  There is nothing more satisfying than knowing you made your life for yourself.  Then, and only then, will you be truly capable of sharing life with another.

 

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