What Say You

To know little things about you

The sound of your foot

The way that you walk

The way that you look

Your face

When happy or concentrating

And working and playing

When talking and love making

 

To know the timber of your voice

Across the room

Or low in my ear

I want to hear

 

You moan and sigh

And the little sounds you make

When you look into my eyes

I want to see

 

You lips as they part

Right before you kiss me

Watch your chest

As your breath quickens at my hips

 

Can you tell me

The best day or the worst?

Let me see inside all

The joy and all the hurt?

 

I’d like to see and

Hold it sacred

That which is most you

let me know it, So what say you?

I Could Fear Less

And there it was, jetting out just a few feet below where I was standing, and ten feet above the water.  I was standing at a different cliff this time.  And it was a lot higher and scarier.  And one day I will get there. Where I run and jump off, casting fear by the wayside.  But I am not there yet.  My body and mind hesitate before jumping off the cliff, afraid that I won’t clear the rocks that stick out on the way down. A klutz has to be careful.

And isn’t that sometimes what happens in life too?  We know what we want, but for some reason, we freeze up at the last second, afraid to jump or make a move.  Our mind plays out all of the “what ifs” that could go wrong.  So we stand there, at the cliff, so close to the edge that we can see the very edge. All we have to do is have faith…

And that is something that I am working on in life.  I have shed the old skin, the old tasks, the old life, the old me.  I have worked hard to bring my thoughts, dreams and wants to reality.  I have put in my time, paid my dues, and now it is time to live.  It is time for the good stuff.

So here I am at the cliff, of life, of a new relationship, of a new job and everything that is deep and good and safe and happy. While I may not be ready for the actual cliff, I am ready to plunge into life.  Might it be dangerous? Maybe. I could land wrong, crash on a rock, get hurt. But what if I make?  What if my dreams make it?  What if it really  is as spectacular as it possibly could be?  What if…?

So here I jump, hesitation behind me, air rushing past my ears, holding my breath, wonderfully waiting for that wonderful moment when I feel the water around me and know that I have made it. When I know that I am submerged into everything I want and have worked so hard to build. And I could fear less.

The Hindsight

Know why I am so hard on you, why I demand so much? Because I have walked through the fires in the pits of Hell and by the Grace of God, have come through just fine.  So if you are going to be in my life, be damn present.

I have earned the right to have someone present. I have earned the right to be loved. I have earned the right to matter.  I have earned the right to be comforted. I have earned the right to be cherished.

There is so much you take for granted because you do not even see the brilliance of the human being in front of you.

I have a good life built on the solid foundation of my heart.  And I have done all this, every bit, with no comfort. No arms. No warmth to hold me. It has all been alone.

Strength borne of the basic need to survive and protect those most loved.  A steel inner core tempered by flames, cooled by God’s compassion. A depth of you need not understand because it is, by its very nature, beyond your comprehension.

Step aside, I see that is what I should have said long ago in hindsight.

In the Distance

There is a distance

In my mind and soul

Calling out to you

I breathe it in and let it go.

Have you ever wondered

And wanted, aching

To know what you

Don’t know?

Sitcom Moment #2,397: Murphy’s Sole

Murphy’s Sole

Murphy. I don’t much care for him, though I am sure he was a likable enough guy.  Which Murphy you might ask?  None other than, Captain Edward A. Murphy, Jr., a former pilot and aerospace engineer, and the man credited with coming up with that famous anything that can go wrong will Law (http://www.thestar.com/news/2009/01/11/the_man_behind_murphys_law.html). Murphy’s Law, which originated in 1949, when a group of  Air Force scientists and engineers were trying to determine just how any Gs a human being could survive, has ruled my life on many occasion.  The most recent being this past week.

It started out as a normal day, I got up, made coffee, listened to the news.  That was as normal as it got…I was to start a new project downtown that day and I found out that I needed to do a few things online like print a temporary badge until the real one came in.  Problem #1 – my internet was down. Problem #2 – no power cable to my printer.  Off to Kinkos, wait for them to iopen, pay to print out 2 sheet badge.  This little excursion set me back a few minutes, and as anyone who has driven in Atlanta traffic knows, a few minutes can kill an otherwise tolerable commute.

An hour and a half later, I was still sitting in traffic when the idea of skipping traffic and taking the train seemed like a good idea.  And indeed it was.  Except that on my way to the train from my car, the heel of my shoe collapses.  And down I went, face first, on the pavement.  Embarrassing yes, but considering how many times a week I fall, trip, spill, fumble and foible, not the end of the world.

I can fake it, I thought.  I can just walk on the ball of my foot, and balance with the other.  And I did, like a boss.  I walked on the right foot, balanced on the left. Only a few times did I almost topple…which happens in good shoes on flat ground.

And that worked.  Until it was time for my welcome lunch, where the team walked 3.5 blocks on that wonderful. beautiful day.  And on the 3.5 block walk back, that is when it happened.  The heel finally completely broke.  It was barely dangling on by the sole.  There was no faking that…After a good laugh, I ripped it off and hobbled back to the building and my desk.

Thank goodness I had some lacey little slip ons so I didn’t have to  go barefoot on my first day. I did, however, have to walk 3 blocks back to the train station, hobbling on 1 good shoes and one missing heel.  2 hours later, because traffic is special in this town, I was finally home.

First day complete – Check.  First fall on the new job – Check. Embarrassing moments – check, check and check.

Yes, my life is a sitcom.

The Living in the Life

Sometimes we get so caught up, i,get so caught up, in life that there is hardly time to,write.  Oh, there are lite,snippets of thoughts and writings everywhere, as usual, but there has hardly been time to,record them in written form, but a few scribbles on napkins, or sparse notes on my phone.

 

But oh, isnt  life delicious? In this, the hottest part of summer? It is, finally, like the umbrella in that wonderful umbrella drink. Cold, sweet and refreshing. And as I soak it all in, all this sweet goodness I have been blessed to have in my life. I smile big and broad.

It is true that life and experience transform us.  It can’t be any other way. And I have worked hard to make sure it it is only the good.

And there is a swing of freedom, as I shed the weight of this old skin, from years gone past.  I walk Shi y and new now. Dues paid, now life is to be lived and enjoyed.

So the best was saclved for last. This life for which I have worked so hard.  All the prayers answered, desires coming to fruition. And life is good.