I speak Fluent Sitcom


Things have been far too serious for summer, a time of laughter and fun. So, get ready to laugh, because I speak fluent Sitcom…

The Not Breath Spray

When you are a contractor, many times the contracting company will give you a bag of goodies.  Most of the time it’s things like pens, pads, mouse pads, coffee cups. Just little office gadget with Logos. But a goody bag is still a goody bag and it’s like a little bit of Christmas.

The latest bag of loot was really great, because both the contracting company and company for which I work gave me goody bags. Double. Score.  As I gleefully looked through the bags, assessing the goodies, ripping through the stuff like a Christmas Stocking, I found breath dpray. I love breath spay. A few spritz and your garlic lunch is no more!

And today, after lunch but before the afternoon meeting, I remembered about this little treasure, and was going to be a breath of minty freshness…then I pulled it out and…

And immediately started coughing after spritzing.

As it turns out, it wasn’t breath spray…it was hand sanitizer spray.

*********************************************

I wrote this in 2010, but someone recently asked me to re-post. So here it is. Please note that I am not responsible for anyone being hurt by laughing to hard, or if your drink comes out of your nose…Enjoy!

Many contracts require of pre-employment drug test. . Not a big deal, and went for my latest today.  Now those who know me know that I am a little, accident prone, shall we say.  I have tripped, fallen, slipped, spilled, fumbled and foilbled. But there are few moments that have actually surprised, or even mortified me.  And this would be one f them.

I dutifully took the little cup in the restroom and carefully brought it back out.  And as I carefully, slowly, very purposefully handed it to the nurse/technician, it happened.  And in slow motion no less. I handed it to her, her hands slowly taking possession of the cup when the lid on it slipped, and as she did not have it in her grasp quite yet, it slipped away, slowly falling toward the floor. And I could feel every muscle in my body tense up – do I let it fall or try to dive for it and catch it? And then, before i could blink, the contents of the cup spilled on the floor.

As the nurse/lab person and I looked down in disgust (and me in total horror of embarrassment), I happened to look up and saw one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen standing waiting to sign in. He had a look of horror on his face too.

Proof once again that my life is completely together…until a cute guy is around. If it was a little old lady standing there the lid would not have slipped at all.

I REALLY just wanted to crawl under something big and heavy.

I can hear you laughing…

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