Prayers

This blog space is many things, of many sorts.  And while I write about a myriad of topics, I rarely write open requests.  This is one of them.

A special person in a family I love very much is in a coma. I have known this family for 20 years, from a wonderful man I dated back then.  He and I are still in touch,and when he told me about his sister’s husband, it just felt like someone hit me in the stomach.  These are such wonderful people. Good people.

So please say a prayer for this man and his wonderful family.  Pray for healing, and strength and courage.

https://www.facebook.com/prayersforcwilliams

Thank you.

Fragile

There is a Song by Sting called Fragile, and it talks about how fragile we are, how fragile is this balance of life.

A text message, a phone call, the realization of the level of fragile. A family I love very much, a good friend, a very much loved ex-boyfriend, people whom I may not speak to often, but still carry in my heart. I learned of a car accident and someone left in a coma. Found unresponsive, no way of knowing how long he was in that condition. The prognosis is grim. Now his family is praying for a miracle and waiting for God’s Will to be made known to them.

Never doubt how fragile we are. Never take your breath for granted, or the breath of those you love.

I speak Fluent Sitcom

Things have been far too serious for summer, a time of laughter and fun. So, get ready to laugh, because I speak fluent Sitcom…

The Not Breath Spray

When you are a contractor, many times the contracting company will give you a bag of goodies.  Most of the time it’s things like pens, pads, mouse pads, coffee cups. Just little office gadget with Logos. But a goody bag is still a goody bag and it’s like a little bit of Christmas.

The latest bag of loot was really great, because both the contracting company and company for which I work gave me goody bags. Double. Score.  As I gleefully looked through the bags, assessing the goodies, ripping through the stuff like a Christmas Stocking, I found breath dpray. I love breath spay. A few spritz and your garlic lunch is no more!

And today, after lunch but before the afternoon meeting, I remembered about this little treasure, and was going to be a breath of minty freshness…then I pulled it out and…

And immediately started coughing after spritzing.

As it turns out, it wasn’t breath spray…it was hand sanitizer spray.

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I wrote this in 2010, but someone recently asked me to re-post. So here it is. Please note that I am not responsible for anyone being hurt by laughing to hard, or if your drink comes out of your nose…Enjoy!

Many contracts require of pre-employment drug test. . Not a big deal, and went for my latest today.  Now those who know me know that I am a little, accident prone, shall we say.  I have tripped, fallen, slipped, spilled, fumbled and foilbled. But there are few moments that have actually surprised, or even mortified me.  And this would be one f them.

I dutifully took the little cup in the restroom and carefully brought it back out.  And as I carefully, slowly, very purposefully handed it to the nurse/technician, it happened.  And in slow motion no less. I handed it to her, her hands slowly taking possession of the cup when the lid on it slipped, and as she did not have it in her grasp quite yet, it slipped away, slowly falling toward the floor. And I could feel every muscle in my body tense up – do I let it fall or try to dive for it and catch it? And then, before i could blink, the contents of the cup spilled on the floor.

As the nurse/lab person and I looked down in disgust (and me in total horror of embarrassment), I happened to look up and saw one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen standing waiting to sign in. He had a look of horror on his face too.

Proof once again that my life is completely together…until a cute guy is around. If it was a little old lady standing there the lid would not have slipped at all.

I REALLY just wanted to crawl under something big and heavy.

I can hear you laughing…

Happy Fathers Day

Every year I write a tribute to my Dad on father’s day. My Dad is like one of those men from the old movies. The hero. A man of few words rides into town, stands up for what he believes in, and touches everyone around him.

He leads by example: Loyalty, honesty and spirituality. Always keep your word. Hold family close and God Closer.

My Dad has worked very hard to make a business and a reputation many would envy. He’s worked hard to give his family the kind of life and opportunities where we would want for nothing. He has integrity and honor, and those are not easy qualities to find these days.

He has been a wonderful example of a man, a father and a human being. From quietly asking mom about our dates to sharing boiled peanuts and beer, to watching thunderstorms and lighting with us. To teaching me how to sing silly songs, teaching me why it’s important to watch the news and be aware of the world in which you live.

He has taught me so many things about life, just by example. And he is the best father a girl could ever hope to have. I have so many wonderful memories of him growing up, and as an adult. Like him, try to read fairy tails to me and mispronouncing the names – like “Ra-pun-zel”, or reciting the bedtime story of “Once upon a time, a deer drank wine…” To holding me while I sobbed when I thought my mother was dying, to our first father daughter dinner when I was a teenager.

Then the is “Piddles Jumping Spunker” and Chief Beer Fetcher in Charge (CBFC), can’t forget being the Cowstail, or all the lessons on the bottom shelf.  There were all the times he, as a typical protective father, scared any young man who came to the door to pick his daughter up for a date.  There was the one time he tried to teach me how to drive, and both of us returned scared and barely speaking.

There is the time I ran over the water pump with the riding lawn mower and he had to fix it (the pump not the mower) and all the things I accidentally busted, broke r short circuited around the house. To all the conversations we may have on the phone now, however short, whatever the topic, are always treasured.

There is hearing all the stories of his youth, and when he blew up the river bed with dynamite, and how he hid an alarm clock taped to one of his teachers desks at school.  To his trips at Oscars Br in NYC, to all the slides and stories of when he would dive and was a dive master.  To all the amazing things he has designed in his career, and last year, I went to the Smithsonian and finally saw, up close, the missiles he designed.

He taught me how to change the oil in my car, how to rotate my own tires, change the break pads and calipers, check the spark plugs (when cars actually had spark plugs). I remember going out to dinner with him, and how he opened my doors for me, pulled out my chair, found out what I wanted to eat and ordered for me. Always wanting to make sure that I was happy.

I will always love his voice, his hands, the way he smells and his little smile. Yes, I will always love my Daddy. The first man to make me feel safe and secure, the man who has always been the example of how a man should treat a woman, and how I should expect a man to treat me.

And he gave me the best Christmas present I have ever been given. One he hand made a wonderful case for my Barbie Dolls, complete with a little mirror for them, a place to hang all their little clothes, and he even hand made these little wire hangers for all their clothes to hang. I still have it and it is one of my most cherished possessions.

For these and so many reasons, too many to list, I am proud to call Jim Burch my Dad. If I could have looked out and chosen who my father would be, I would have chosen you.

Love you Dad. Happy Father’s Day.

A Lot

A lot

The dictionary says a lot is a large number or amount; a great deal; much.

It has taken a lot to get me here today.

It has taken a lot of miles, down dirt roads, paved paths , with a many footsteps.

A lot of jumps and leaps of faith, and irregular beats and a lot of movement.

It has taken me a lot of years, a lot of prayer and a lot of, so much of, hard core steel.

It has taken a lot of stubbornness, just simply too much, too unwilling to not make it

It has taken a lot of grit. And Dirt and dust and mud.

It has taken a lot of crawling, on my knees, on my stomach when I was too weak to stand, face to the ground, too low to even see the horizon sometimes.

It has taken a lot of strength. It has taken a lot of feeling, and stretching, and tearing. A lot of breaking, a lot of leaking, a lot of ripping and tripping.

It has taken a lot of pain. A lot of, more than can possibly be counted, more than can be fathomed in the mind, of tears, and heartache, that goes so deep that even the soul seems shallow in comparison.

It has taken a lot of weakness, of mine, of others, of theirs and yes, even of yours, so much of yours, to get where I am. A lot of talk, a lot of yelling and lot of screaming, in my mind what I wanted to say, but could not say for a lot of, so many, reasons.

It has taken a lot of heart beats, each one, one by one, tearfully, painfully, regretfully, lovingly, angrily, mournfully, let go, one at a time.

It has taken more love, more hope, more compassion, more feeling, more of everything, a  lot more of everything than I ever imagined possible, even in my deepest dreams, or baddest nightmares, or most fearless daydreams.

It has taken a lot of you, a lot of them, a lot of those. And most of all, it has taken a lot of me. Taken so much of me, that I have wondered is anything left of me?  Is any me left in here?

It has taken a lot of stress and loss, and a lot of gain.  It has taken a lot to forget a lot of things. It has taken a lot of my blood, my sweat and the sweet taste of him. It has taken every bit of life, every drop, unwanted, unaltered, unadulterated, unplanned and undiscovered, to get me here today.

It has taken a lot because I wanted to be here today. A lot because, mostly because, all because, I wanted to be here. I wanted to say I am still here. I wanted to see the other side, and see the color of the sky, and the warmth of the sun, feel the wildness of the wind, hear what it has to say to me, deep in the dawn. I wanted to speak to the sunrise and breathe with the sunset.

But first it took a lot.

And now, it is a a lot better than I thought it would be. The sky is a  lot brighter, the wind is a lot lighter, the air is a lot crisper and my heart is a lot, so much more full.  Life is a lot btter. And here I am.

Fear Facing

Always do what you are afraid to do. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fear. Even the word is unpleasant.  What is it, why is it that sometimes we get so wrapped up fearing what we fear?  I was once asked the question, what would you do if you were not afraid? At first this question may seem a little silly, but think about it for a second. Would you be a singer on stage?  Climb a mountain?  A famous actor? Flip your boss the finger and walk out? What about the kind of fear that is a little more subtle…emotional fear.  What would you do if you were not afraid?

There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them. – Andre Gide

Would you trust someone?  Would you love someone?  Would you let your guard down?  Say I love you?  Say I can’t love you? Would you stand up for yourself more, or defend someone else? Would you reach out and risk rejection, if there was no fear?

I say I am stronger than fear. – Malala Yousafzaa

In this day and age of making the most of fear into headlines that sell, it may seem and feel counter initiative to face that which you fear most.  But I think sometimes, it is exactly what needs to be done.

I think fear holds us back in the worst of ways and keeps us from being the best we can be, living our best lives as our best selves.  It keeps us in our safe little shells, never knowing the warmth of the sun, or the trill of the wind. But we are human, and fear is a very basic and human emotion. So what do we do about it? I am facing my fears, one step and one day at a time.  With knees shaking, heart beating, sweaty palms, mind racing, what-ifs running, throat in my chest, but I am doing it.  And it is…scary.

Don’t be afraid to see what you see. – Ronald Reagan

What is it that I fear exactly?  Rejection.  Not being loved. Being thought of as less than, even though I know that I am not. Of being vulnerable. Of being disappointed. Of not being wanted, and being tossed to the side. Of letting go. Sometimes we get so caught up in our fears that we forget to ask – what is the worst thing that could happen? For me – …nothing really. They are all things I have experienced before, and I am still here, alive and kicking. And still, my knees are weak.

Maybe it’s not so much about what happens afterward, but more about the fact that you faced your fear in the first place.  Maybe, that is where ground is gained. And I can walk away knowing that no matter what happens, I am better off for fear facing. And from this comes a new though: Let fear face me, not the other way around.

Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself. – Samuel Butler

And in that, maybe we can uncover that which we are trying to find and crave most.  Maybe we can find ourselves by losing the fear. In addition to my self growth, I am walking away from those people and situations that no longer serve me or are in my best interest.  Because fear of being with the wrong people in my circle makes me step out of my comfort zone and re evaluate from time to time.

So let go, face off, square up, and buckle down. It may be a bumpy ride, but I promise, it will be worth it when you get there. Shed the fear to gain your life.