The Digging of the In

Recently I read an article that talked about Today is one of my favorite things to read. It is a guilty pleasure, because there has always been a fascination as to how people work, what makes them tick and the many different perspectives there are.  Recently there was an article about the best traits for those who are mentally strong. Two of the characteristics were grit and curiosity.

I think another one, though it did not make the list, is perseverance.  No matter what, you can’t give up, you must be able to dig your heels in and just do it.

Sometimes we need a break, so step away and clear our minds.  This can do wonders for our mood, our perspective and our outlook. And then there are times to just take control.

I have taken several breaks lately, but I am thinking that is the wrong way to approach life right now.  Instead of running away, or taking breaks, I need to dig my heels in deep. One of the best ways to get the To-Do list done, it to start doing it.  So little by little, I will check off the list.

And already there is a good start:  Belly dance and kickboxing classes have been started to help with exercise and getting back into shape.  Things have been put into motion career wise and will soon take place.  The rental house is coming together. I am getting ready to paint, and smaller things like laundry and cleaning out the garage are coming a long as well.  I am studying grace and forgiveness, improving the frequency of my creative writing and planning the planting of the garden.

I am better when in motion, even though rest and relaxation do have their place.  But what was I thinking running away, instead of facing the long list of To-Do?  And after the list is done, before the next one is stated, that is when to get away, to celebrate, to enjoy.

Spring is here and Summer is coming, and if the timing is just right, all can line up perfectly. The time is now. Life is now. And I cannot wait, as a serge of optimism runs through me.  Digging into life is going to be delicious.

Driving Ms. Motivation

We all go through those times in life were we have to take pause and figure out our next move. And sometimes it can be difficult to get motivated to take the first or second step, especially if we have felt overwhelmed or burned out.  It be difficult to get out of a rut..

Recently I have had trouble just doing it, whatever it is that I have planned for my next move, getting motivated to really put 110% in all of my projects and pans.  This is new to me.  I am usually very driven and serious about obtaining goals I have set for myself.

This week, I watched a friend’s video challenge about working out, and she asked, how do you get out of a rut? How do you stay motivated? This started me thinking…what does make people motivated? What drives you? From where does the passon come? And where is mine?

And so I asked, many friends, to share  their thoughts on motivation, passion and drive. One  of my friends said he plays drums, or goes to a park to eat and think or makes love to his wife. Another says what motivates him to keep going, even after failure, is to be better for his children and to show them that you have to keep going and keep trying always. To never give up.  He also wants to show them, through example, to always follow your heart and your dreams. And Yet another friend said it was his curiosity and sense of adventure that motivates and drives him to his goals. He wants to see if he can do it.

One of my best friends says when she is in a rut, she thinks that you have to step out of your comfort zone. She also sets realistic goals, prays a lot and has faith that anything is possible with God. Another friend says she meditates and says affirmations that help give her strength when she is tired.

All of these are great answers and reasons. For me, I think it is going to be a combination of all of these reasons and rationales.  I am stepping out of my comfort zone, quite a bit, stretching, reaching to grow and be better.  I pray and try to have faith, though sometimes it is hard and I fall short.  You should always follow your dreams, and indeed I am living them by being a writer. But there is still something else that is missing.

The trick is to figure out how you want you life to feel, and be motivated to follow the steps to make it so (yes, I did just quote Star Treck). There are personal and professional goals that have been set.  Bridget Jones and I are looking to loose that illusive 20 lbs. Taking my career n a different direction, finishing the book, projects on the rental house, and saving money are all on the agenda. OH, yes and finding my motivation.

And I think sometimes, when you have felt overwhelmed, confused, unsure, insecure or even a little lost, sometimes you just have to reach deep down inside, where the soul meets the ground, and pull your motivation up from deep within. You have to just do it, by sheer force of will, even when you have no desire to do so. Lack of motivation can be the motivation, to get past it, baby step by baby step. And the thing about baby steps, is that eventually you will travel miles.

And I never want to settle, never want to stop striving to be better, a better person, a better writer, and better friend, daughter, a better me.  And I want to be of service to others.  I am truly the happiest, when I am serving and helping other people for whom I care. To lavish love, care and friendship on those who are closest.  This is what makes me, my life, feel the best. And I want more of that.

And that is the thing about life, the gift of it, is that this life is ours to write  We write the life that we want, the story we want.  And if we really could have a map that tells us exactly how to get where we want to go, straight from point A to Point B, would we really want to take that straight path? Or, would we still choose the meandering sidewalks, and all those wonderful, unplanned people, magical moments, tears, laughter and stories that happen along the way?

Who cares if things get a little out of order on the journey?  And what does it matter if we have to put out a sign every now and then that says “remodeling, please excuse the mess”?  It’s ok, we can do it.  We can have the life we want to feel.

And what do I Ant? A job that is creative, where I can work in a good collaborative environment, a book that sells many copies and inspires people to laugh and love. and in love, I want a man who I can laugh with, trust, and who makes me feel loved and wanted. In essence I want a life that feels good. And I can get there one baby step and one prayer at a time.

***Thank you to all my friends who contributed their insights on motivation, drive and passion.****

Where the Woods Meet the Water

We all have those moments, those trips in life that give us some space and perspective.  Some quiet time to release thoughts and ponder of decisions and as my travel partner takes a nap I type on the balcony, fingers flying across the keys like they have not done in quite a while.

My writing and creativity has been a bit stifled as of late. Sometimes you have to work through things before you can write about them. And I plan my future, adding details and filling in the blanks about what, where and how to get there. It’s a universal theme for many these days, the planning of what is to come, the goals we record to attain the life we want, well lived and well loved.

And as a cool breeze crossed my café, I think about many things when I was younger, and all that has brought me here today.

When I was 23, I knew I was good with words and good on a dance floor on a Saturday night.  I knew I was petrified of relationships but desperate and anxious for a man to love me. And I did fall in love, ridiculously in love, with a man who is still known as the love of my life.  Whose name I called, whose voice I still know, whose laughter still rings in my ears, even now when I talk to him and both of us have moved on from that place.

I knew I was hard-working and kind. I knew I’d spend the rest of my life devoted to my parents and my family.  I knew my address wouldn’t last long in the stifling, sticky enclaves of south Georgia.

But, I didn’t know a hell of a lot more than I did know.

Because you can’t anticipate the explosions, the messes, the deaths and the self-destructions of your 20s 30s and 40’s. You simply cannot anticipate Life.  You’re unable to forecast adultery, deceptions, newfound passions, and those alluring and unexpected opportunities that rock the certainties you’ve stood upon for as long as you can remember.  You can’t calculate and control feelings.  You can’t anticipate that moment you’ll become so entirely undone that you don’t even recognize the strands of self billowing out behind you, catching the wind and drifting away before you can grab hold again.

And there’s no escaping any of it, of course.  There’s no preparation either, other than the slow, steady build of a reserve of good friends, good wine, self-confidence, humor,  and courage—the pillars that, like Rome, won’t fall down when everything else does.

The pillars that, years later, decades later, remain, however cracked, however faded, however damaged.

I told this bright and eager young woman my heartbreak story tonight, and that time, those years, that one man, that part of me—it sounded so far away.  It sounded old.  And maybe that’s because even though my life has taken a radically different course than I’d ever imagined or hoped for, I’m making it work for me now, and I’m happy, fresh, acutely present and appreciative.

She studied me, and she crinkled her beautifully unwrinkled eyes, and said that it takes quite a woman to bounce back from such blows, such bleeding.

It takes quite a woman for many things:

Birthing a child, raising a good citizen of the world, burying a parent, contributing thoughtfully to society, giving generously, moving through the days mindfully and healthfully, constantly pushing against barriers and prejudices, surviving the betrayals, heart aches, lies and mis judgments, supporting and nurturing partners and families and friends, learning, teaching, loving, loving always—even when the heart beats slow and heavy and weary, and those pillars you yearn to lean against stand oh so far away and out of reach.

And as the sun sets, and the waves rise, as trees on the balcony shake their leaves, I sit back and let out a long, deep breath. It’s quite and adventure, this illusion of planning, this game called life that goes on. .And I think, maybe I have found my place, this weekend away, where I can write, where the wood meet the water, and both country and beach can exist. But life always marches to it’s own beat, and all we can do love well, be our best and hold on tight.

Human Touch

The human touch, something we may not think about every day. But yet it is so important in this day and age. And the daily rush of life and virtual everything, Facebook, Skype chats and online dating, maybe we lose sight of a simple part of humanity.

It was my turn, I thought, after waiting for a little while at the nail salon Time for a visit and a little treat for the trip to the beach. Soft hands and pretty red toes, a treat I had not allowed myself for a long time. And as my feet went into the hot water, and I picked out the colors, I felt the stress melt away. The stress of far too long, far too much, and far for little.

And then it started, the human touch, as they softly, sweetly, expertly applied the lotions and the salves to skin, taking off layer upon layer of what life had made harsh. The callouses of life, of making it, of surviving and fighting and living and loving.  And in that moment, I became acutely aware of just how long it had been since I had felt the simplest human touch. Nothing erotic, just human kindness?

When you are single, living alone, you really don’t encounter much change for human touching, outside of the sexual. And even on a relationship, touch may be few and far between depending on geography, time and the space between. Certainly my most recent relationship to go down in flames was practically devoid of any affection outside of the bedroom. No holding hands, no soft caresses, no affection, as fear replaced tenderness.

And in that moment, in that salon, with those strangers gently massaging lotion and applying color, I cried. Soft tears rolling down my cheeks as just the simple human touch resonated deep within me. How long had it been? I don’t know still.

There is a healing in the touch of human to human. A knowledge, a recognition, that we are of the same. How often to do mistake online chats and conversation for the same humanity as face to face, and seeing, feeling, hearing, touching someone else.  It used to be that digital was used when geography made meeting impossible. But now what has been used to make our business lives convenient has made out personal lives less, personal. And at what cost?  After all, it costs nothing to hug someone, hold them, give a pat on the back or a comforting embrace.

And I wonder, if all this technology has made us even more remote and isolated than ever before, even with instant communication at our fingertips? But then, how much true human communication can we really have over the digital? Words, tones, body language, facial expressions, even sarcasm, completely missed.

And as I walked out, pretty hands and feet, I vowed to live a life more touching.

The Promise of Summer

It’s getting closer, you can feel it in the air.  It’s stirring in the undercurrents of the wind. It’s coming, with the warming of the weather.  It is Spring and Summer.  Today, for the first time in many months I drove home with the windows down, radio up and shoes off. It was magnificent.

It has been a long, cold, hard winter, and I am ready for the good stuff.  There is a trip to the beach this weekend, and many more weekend trips to come. There is an actual vacation scheduled, the first in several years. And a new place to live promises great evenings on the porch, ready for wine and conversations.

My father’s cancer has slowed and will soon be in remission, my career has steadied, and family responsibilities are low.  After the past few years, I am ready to come out of the cocoon, transformed, gilded by the fire of difficult times, baked in the harsh light of heartache, set to cool in a body of tears. It is time to experience the promise of summer.

It is the promise of lighter times, smiles and laughter, warm days, cool nights, backyard Bar B Qs and late nights in. It is friendship and hugs, live music, street festivals, patio margaritas, and birthdays and weddings, and celebrations of life. I want to feel the wind blowing in my hair, as I drive with the windows down, friends with me ready for adventures and road trips to fun places. Chili cheese dogs at a Braves game, movies in the park, dancing in the rain. It is, in essence, the promise of hope. And just as the new leaves peek out from the safety of their branches, so must I leave the safety of my comfort zone.

And this year, this summer, I am looking for it. Love.  Not just a summer fling that turns cold with the first winds of Autumn, I mean the real thing.   Little boys dressed in mens clothing who are afraid of relationships need not apply. I want slow dancing in the kitchen, late night conversations, hand holding in the park, long hikes in the woods, conversations you never want to end, slow, rich, passionate kisses that make you dizzy. To find comfort and solace in another human being and be vulnerable right down to the core.  To build something larger and deeper than myself.

I feel like, for the first time in a log time, I am free to follow dreams, hopes and dsires that make life worth living. I want to set this summer on fire with life.

And I pray to bring the right kind of people into my life – those who match my level of integrity, faith, loyalty and honor.  Much heartache and drama can be avoided by not assuming that just because you get along and have compatible personalities that they are meant to be in your life and close to you.  It takes time, and seeing the clues as to who people really are, or at least not being blind to them.

And so as the weather gets warmer, my hopes are high. For everything good this summer, for love and laughter of friends and family. New experiences, old hang outs, and lasting memories to be made. The moments of building a life, living and loving well all the while. Yes, all of this is held in the promise of summer.