Just Say NO


“Never push a loyal person to the point they no longer care.”

Sometimes in life, we find ourselves holding on to something, or someone, when they cause too much drama and wreak havoc in our lives. Maybe they are going through an emotional crisis of their own and cannot see how they are doing. It doesn’t matter really, because drama is destructive, it is toxic, it is like a cancer and it destroys everything healthy which it touches.

And many times it can be very hard to walk away. It can be very hard to let them go, when you love them dearly, when you have known them so long, when they have been such a part of your life, of your family’s life, and of not only your heart, but of your very being. But, sometimes you must. Because whatever road they are on, they must go alone. And if you don’t let them go, they will destroy and contaminate everything in your life. I have learned that the hard way.

I had a lifetime friend, and he was going through a very dark time in his life. He is so consumed with anger and bitterness that he lashed out at all those around. He blamed everyone else for the drama he causes himself, because he was so blinded by the anguish within him.

He came to me a few months ago,  even though he was going down this dark path. He needed support, he needed people around him who loved him so he would not be so isolated in his journey. But all he did, from the moment he walked in was drama, drama, drama. And because I had known him for so long, there were far too many chances than there should have been, not just from me, but from my family who also loved him deeply.

You cannot save someone when they are sinking, or they will pull you down with them. And you will be sucked into their drama and your life will be in shambles from trying to help them. That is called co-dependent. And my friend was extremely that. When this happens, you must walk away because there is nothing you can possibly do to help them, because they are on their own self destructive path. You must love yourself more than you love them and you must see that they are damaging you.

And sometimes people are so full of pain, that they look for anything to relieve it. They grab onto anyone who, seems even jut for a little while, help their pain go away. The problem with that is that nothing you will ever do for them will be enough, nothing will fill the void. They are emotional black holes because until they deal with their own emotions, they cannot, they will not accept love from anyone because they do not love themselves.

And oddly enough, when you do let go and walk away, it is a relief that they are gone. I was relieved when stillness returned to my life, after months of turmoil. My own issues remained, absolutely, but now my energy belonged to me, I could focus in on my life, not their emotional crisis which changed form day to day, moment to moment. And even my worst problem I was facing at the time, did not seem so bad, the water not so deep, when I did not have their weight pulling me down

There is an old saying that to have a friend, first you have to be a friend. That is very true because friendship isn’t free. It works on a give and take basis, and at some point, that give my be reciprocated. In my case it was not. I gave this friend everything, and because of his own dark place, it was never enough. Until finally his own need, anger and bitterness, completely swallowed the friendship whole.

If friendship and giving is not being reciprocated, just say NO. IF someone, even someone you love, is causing nothing but drama and destruction in your life because they are going through a crisis, just say NO. IF you find yourself being sucked into an un healthy co-dependent relationship/friendship, just say no. No one has the right to be mean to you and cause drama in your life just because they are in crisis in theirs. Be healthy, be strong, and just say NO.

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