To BE


I have not been writing much lately. It seems that writing has taken a back seat to living. Many things that are on the horizon. And now that the season has changed, it is time to get moving again. So many things to do, and much more to be let go of. And what is the purpose of hanging on, I wonder? Why do we slow our own forward progression with the nostalgic haze of what was or what we thought it would be?

Our past is what forms us into the person we are meant to be, but we must still learn the art of letting go and moving forward. Of making sure there is enough room in our hearts for all the future holds and is promising.

And therein lies the balance: To hold onto just enough, but still let go so we are not stagnant, or afraid, or bitter. I am looking forward to putting this entire chapter behind me. And while I love and adore my sister for her letting my stay at her place while I am displaced, I am looking forward to sleeping in my bed, and not a couch. I look oh so forward to stretching out and taking up the entire king size bed just because I can.  Of  being in my own space again. And although she has been very gracious, I am sire it is hard living with a klutz in the house.

This month has been a hard one for me, discovering the mold in the house, moving out, ,living  with my sister, looking for another place to live as the legal plays out however it will. So many hopes and dreams attached. But what is life if it is not fluid? And we must be adaptable to change, as hard and as difficult as it may seem. I once heard it said that confusion can be a good thing – because it resets everything. And when the dust settles, and you have weathered the storm and found your way, you realize you are in a much better place than you were. That is my hope.

And so as the chill of the Fall sets in, the change of season is clear. It is time to let go, move forward onto the next chapter, the next place, the next everything that is waiting for my life to be. And it is scary. But life is scary and that is where our faith comes. It is a leap of faith I take now, jumping from one old life to another.

So I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and

Jump. (or fall sometimes in my case)

And I am ready for all of what this new season will bring. I am ready to be outside, in the woods, windows open, listening to the crackle of a fire. Ready for meetings with friends, catching up with those I have not seen in years, sharing wine, and laughter and stories. Ready for the crisp air of fall to meet my cheeks in the morning. I am ready to get back into exercise, ready to feel the burn in my thighs as I push my body farther than it wants to go, past the point of quitting. I am ready for all of it, as I slowly walk forward, trying to find footing along the road. And as I look down, I see fragment of my life from the past 6 months, and pieces of my hear strewn about like littler. And I decide to leave the garbage behind, I am lighter ad better without it. I look for familiar faces and hearts of those I love and they do not disappoint.

Yes, the past can make our lives rich. But with the future of the season, I am ready to BE.

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