Storms With My Dad

When I was a child, my father and I would sit outside during storms and watch the lightning. We always had covered back or front porches, always lived in the country, so you could see the sky for miles. And we would sit out there, sometimes for an hour or more, and watch the lightning dance across the sky. The air would crackle with the electricity of the storms and I would be thrilled to see the beauty play out before my eyes.

Maybe that is from where my life of storms comes, or my desire to capture lightning on film. Because it’s like capturing those memories, as I think of my father every time I see lightning in a storm. And I remember feeling so very special as we sat and watched, my father and I.

It’s these wonderful precious memories I have of my Dad that often make me smile.  I have always been a Daddy’s Girl, and will always be. While my Dad is sick and recovering, it is these memories that somewhat ease the pain I feel.

Never underestimate the  memories someone may have of you. Sometimes the simplest of things will be the best of memories for those you love and who love you. And When I pray at night, for his quick recovery from this last chemo treatment, so many memories come to mind. Indeed, I am a lucky girl.

My Dad, a good storm and two chairs. Yes, that’s the good stuff.

And I am lucky enough to have found a man that my father respects.  That means the world to me. And to my  heart.

 

Of Firsts

In our life we all have a lists of firsts – first dates, first kisses, first job…this next month is going to be about several firsts for me. This weekend, my parents are coming up for their first visit to see my first house. Next month I am going to have my first visit with one of my sisters that I am getting to know (I am the youngest of five) and in about a month, there will be some first moments with someone very special who has re-entered into my life.

The great things about firsts is that they exciting. Filled with promise, hope and excitement of the unknown. My Mom and I have been talking and planning this first visit since I first moved into the house. We have so much do together in this new place. She has a green thumb and she is bringing plants and flowers to help me with my gardens and figuring out the landscape of my first yard. There are many conversations to be had, much wine and coffee to drink together.

And I can’t wait for Dad to see my new place. I have a to do list all set up of small projects we can do together while he is here; connecting the water line to the refrigerator, putting up shelves and such. I love working with my Dad. We used to work on small projects with my car, like changing out the break pads. But this is different, this is the first time we will be able to work on projects for my house. There is something wonderful about that, to have those memories of working with him. It’s part of what will make this house a home.

Family means so much to me, and with everything imploding with my closest sister and my parents health not being that good, I released that there were other members of my family that I want to know. The visit with one of my oldest sisters is beyond exciting and there are few words to express the emotions attached. There is so much curiosity and I only wish there was more time to get to know her. I wonder why I waited so long. I should have done this a lot sooner.

And then there is Love. There is another chance, a new chance with someone trusted, known and who knows me, down to my bones. So many years, and yet, the core is still the same. The first time at a second chance. And when we are in the same space, there is a sense of calm, a sense of comfort, a place where I can relax. And in my head I hear what so many have said for years: “There is no need to look. You already know him. He is already there.” I have often said when so many say the same thing, chances are it is true.

And so it is, this season of firsts. As the days get hotter and longer, the air is thick with the promise of the unknown and to move into this season with my parents, sibling and loved one is truly amazing. I knew that 2014 would be a new year of new things, and that the wheels would starting turning once I got into the new house. And indeed all the love I wanted in my life is here and all the dreams are coming to fruition. There is Peace, there is happines, there is a great life right in front of me.

This Old House

Everyone has that one place for them that is safe, sacred, that is Peace. For me that is my home. In many ways it still has not sunk in that this beautiful place is mine. As I sat on the back porch this past weekend, enjoying the light evening air, hearing the crickets and frogs and leaves rustling in the breeze, I realized how peaceful my home could be. I love my porch time, my house time, my “Me” time. There have been many changes and life events over the past few years. Some have been good, some bad, some sad, some small, others life changing.

And I am making Peace with everything. In the end, life isn’t a popularity contest and doing the right thing often is not the most popular choice. If you have standards, mortals and character, you have to be OK with that. You have to be OK with being lonely sometimes. You have to be OK enough with yourself that you can sit alone on your porch, and enjoy the sights and sounds around.

It helps to be someplace you love. And I love my house, my home.

In the future, I hope my home to be a gathering place for friends and family. I want people to feel as welcome and peaceful as I do, sitting there on my porch, looking out at the yard, watching the birds and haring the crickets. My parents will soon be here, Dad getting further cancer treatment, Mom helping with planting the garden. Friends want to come by to see them again, or meet them for the first time. An invitation will be sent to my sister and her boys, that they are always welcome to visit Mom and Dad when when they stay here. And Peace will remain.

Do I regret any decisions that have been made? No. I do regret having to make them, and I regret that cost. But I can never regret standing up for what is right, I can never regret doing what needs to be done to have a healthy life.

And so I sit on my porch, quiet and still, listening to the life around me. Listening to God. Knowing in my heart, that life is about to burst open with more hope and promise than can be imagined. And it is at this house, on this porch, in this yard, that is all happens. Yes, I have found my home.