Overwhelmed

All of us, as some point, feel overwhelmed.  The To Do list seems to laugh at us, as we feebly try to cross things off. And it grows, and grows, like Kudzu during a hot a wet summer, taking over our lives. Until we release it;s time to get a machete and cut that list back. <Maybe even burn it. Wouldn’t that feel good?

The only way I know to get through being overwhelmed, which is how I have felt since buying the house, is to just put your head down and work through it.  And just like walking a tightrope – don’t look down. Just keep plugging along, don’t worry about how much you have to do, how for you have to go, or what you have already done.

And I have felt oh so over whelmed. Moving into a huge new house, myself. Working like crazy and not having any time to finish unpacking, looking around and mentally going through the ever-growing to do list. Dealing with the leaky skylight and the fact that Friday, water was dripping from the skylight, the ceiling and all down my walls. I just had a moment and just cried as I looked at all the water, though I am pretty sure more was rolling down my cheek than down the wall.

I felt defeated, overwhelmed, and just a mess.

The funny ting is that somehow, the shape of my house seems to reflect how I feel about the shape of my internal self right now. As  my house was/is a mess, so am I. . My house is not fully unpacked, I have trouble finding things, there are boxes everywhere and nothing looks put together. And that pretty much sums up how I have been feeling – very not put together.

A year of not taking care of myself has taken it’s toll, as I try to squeeze into a pair of my favorite jeans. They obviously shrunk in the dryer.

So I took this weekend off to put my house together, to get unpacked, organized, do things like set up my guest bathrooms, finish unpacking my my office, getting the guest rooms set up and cleaning out the garage. To dust, disinfect, sweep and mop…and even to plant a few flowers in the yard. I have politely turned down many invitations so I can get things in order, so I can stop feeling overwhelmed and start feeling put together. And sometimes you just have to do that – take time for regular maintenance and eradicate that To Do list. Sometimes in all the rush duplicity of life, you have to slow down, take a breath and un-overwhelm yourself.

And now, I look at and see that while there is still work to be done,  I will be just fine. The house is slowly getting put together and organized, as am I, deep down in my soul. And deep down, as I lay down to sleep after a full day, my soul feels just a little more at Peace. This Lenten Season has not been as Spiritual as i had wanted, due to working so much and being exhausted. But it’s never too late to pick up where you left off. And no doubt, the rest, putting my head down and working hard, and prayer, and that to do list, both for myself and the house, will be completed before I know it.

 

Hilliarious Southwest Flight Attendant

Flew Southwest when I went out to Vegas. And while the attendants were funny, this lady is hysterical!  Enjoy!

I am Ready

I am ready to remember winter and start spring, new like a green leaf on the tree outside my window. Ready for the yard to be green and the pool water to be blue, for sunscreen and tea, and lazy days on the deck. I want home to be home, happy and carefree, with music, food, wine and laughter.

I am ready for friendships and smiles, fresh air and long walks, midnight conversations, face to face rather than screen to screen. To exhale, and relax, work hard to play, rest and do it again the next day. I want to feel the sun on my face, the breeze on my skin with the windows down and the radio up. Walk barefoot through the grass, my car in the driveway, meet the neighbors and make new friends.
I am ready to be a part of a community, a group, to get to know, grow and share.

I am ready for first dates and kisses, movies and dinners. Ready to try again, blinders off and wade in. Ready for a hand to reach to and take mine, a door to be opened, and smiles given. Ready for p[picnics in the parks, concerts after dark, enjoying the festivals of the Spring and being treated like the lady I have come to be.

I have been dormant this winter, the soul freezing cold. Now it is time for the great thaw, to come alive again, so much to do, feel and hold. The harsh winter is over, finally, the seasons change and I want to embrace the newness of the new. I am ready to be given to, treated well and see the world with unspoiled eyes, optimistic of the future, shedding all the broken and leaving it behind.

I want margaritas on the patio, listening to that song I know, creating memories of this life, this moment in time. Ready to feel  my heart beat again, as life begins a new, ready to feel arms around my waist, and happiness.

I am ready to start my life, with hopefulness, carefulness, optimism and baited breath. I am Springtime ready.

Thge Last Born

While surfing the net, waiting to be able to test out website again, I happened upon an article that talked about how birth order affected your relationships.  I am the youngest of 5 and they got me all wrong in this.

Lastborns: Ah, the little sibs of the family. Beloved, treasured, and in many cases babied for much longer than their older siblings (and often by their older siblings), the stereotypical youngest of the brood tends to be less responsible and more devil-may-care, with less of a hankering to take charge. “That can be different if the baby of the family came after a gap of more than a few years, though,” says Dr. Salmon. In that case, the baby of the family may act more like an only child or an older sibling—as though the family had started all over again.

For the baby of the family, I have a lot of the responsibility…I am more like the oldest.  I have always taken care of my nephews, even paying for my oldest nephews college. I last year I worked and supported all of Rita’s family. My parents also depend on me for a lot. I have never been spoiled, any more than the other kids in the family. My parents were much more strict on my than any of my siblings (I had a curfew and had to tell them everyone I was with, everything that we were doing and everywhere we were going).

Rita (older sister) has always gotten everything (several cars, a house, lots of money, etc) because she always had the kids, so I was pretty much on my own. Whatever it was, I heard “Well, it’s just you, so it’s not as hard, but Rita has a boys, so she needs more.” Which I suppose is true.

I am a risk taker though, but it’s always calculated. Most of the time the risks pay off, but not always. I am a free spirit, but a responsible one (yes, it can happen). I was the first one to get a tattoo, the first one to really move away, I have always been the most independent, always the one who traveled. I have always been the one who spoke my mind, set things right, told the truth and did what needed to be done, regardless of what anyone else thought. Everything I have done, all that I have, I have done it on my own.

All my older siblings come to me when they need to get in touch with the others, they all call me when they need to find out information about what is going on. I often seem to find myself in charge, yet I have no desire to be, as others would be much better at it.

And no one takes care of me, I take care of myself, always have. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone take care of me for a bit. But then I quickly banish that thought from my mind.

Moral of the story: Sometimes birth order has nothing to do with it. Sometimes it’s just who you are. And sometimes, who you are cannot be contained, quantified or categorized.

Thank You Vegas

We all have those times were we feel as if we are climbing out of a big dark pit. And we all have that moment where we realize we can finally feel the sun on our faces and have managed to climb out. This recently happened to me, when I took a trip to a place called Las Vegas.

While I can’t really say that I came back rested (it was Vegas after all), but there was much more peace when the plane landed, than when it took off. Sometimes, just having the chance to step away, gain some distance and perspective is the key. Sometimes, just being able to relax and not be surrounded and submerged in all that was is enough to wake us up.

For me it was a combination of all of that, and the company I was with. First, it’s hard not to have a great time in Vegas, it’s just a fun place to be. My friend and I have traveled together before, and we always have a good time together. Even though we had not seen each other in a few years, we seemed to fall into our easy rhythm within a few minutes. There is something very comfortable with him, and he is one of the few people I trust. I feel safe. Maybe it’s his gentle, unassuming way of things.

After the past few months, it was wonderful to just be. To laugh, explore, gamble a bit (am am terrible at gambling, unless it’s with fake money), drink a bit, enjoy some food and people watch. There was a show Cirque De Solie (I know that it’s misspelled and I’ll care after the next cup of coffee), front row seats. You really get to see great detail when sitting that close, and as a stage and theater junkie, I loved it.

Hoover Dam was next and that was fascinating. When you see the enormity of it, of what they did and how they did it, without any of the modern technology, the risks they took and how well done it was, you feel really proud. I felt proud of your country, of the men who worked on it, and the ingenuity and vision it took to make it happen. Wow. And it was just cool. We walked across it, on a beautiful day with clear blue skies. I felt free, for the first time in a long time. If those men could do all of that, then my life can be just as magnificent.

Then there was downtown Vegas, which is different from the Strip. It feels more like a fair than anything else, with the scent of food from the street vendors, people walking around in costume (You take their pictures for tips, lots of people, loud 80’s rock music and a laser light show on the outdoor ceiling. I love the Golden Nugget Casino and the buffet there is quite yummy.

Upon return I felt lighter, albeit tired, but much happier. I just needed a little trip to bring me back to life, so to speak. To remind me that life is to be enjoyed. The past year is over, all those struggles are done, my tasks are complete. Now I move forward building my life, my own Hoover Dam.

Work hard, play harder, love completely, and laugh often. So thank you to my friend, for inviting out to play, thank you Vegas for being such a gracious host and playground, and thank you life.

Sitcom Moments: Adventures in Travel

I have many times said that my is a sitcom. And nothing seems to prove it more than traveling..

Sunday morning I slept a little elate, got up, made coffee, cleaned up and got everything ready for the trip. There were some last minute things to throw into the suitcase, but I was actually 10 minutes ahead of schedule. Until….

The plan was to get gas, catch the Marta train to the airport and head out of town to Vegas. I would have an easy hour to roam around the airport.

Moment #1 – Since I am in the new house, I had to plug the Marta station into the GPS…But it could not find the satellite. Try Google Maps. And Waze. Neither of them worked. Crap. (Not the word I used)…After fiddling with the 3 GPSs (what is the plural of GPS…GPI?) I unpacked my laptop, go back in house, turn on laptop, get address, get and print directions. I grab a cup of ginger ale on the way out (this is important for later). Only 20 minutes behind schedule.

Moment #2 – Go back out to the car, packed up laptop again. It’s beautiful outside, so open the sunroof for the drive…COLD cup of ginger ale that I placed on top of car, is now in my hair, in my lap, on my favorite jeans and green shirt and all over the car. Crap! (not the word I used). Run back inside, change shirt and pants…except everything that currently fits is packed in suitcase. Finally find something. Go back to car. 45 minutes behind schedule.

Moment #3 – Go to gas station, only to see that purse was left at home. Get $6 worth of gas with cash I have in car, go back home, find purse under seat of car where it landed when took out the laptop. Finally leave the house an hour late. Go directly to airport.

Arrive and fly out without incident. Land in Vegas 1.5 hours ahead of my friend and travel partner. After his flight gets in, we spend another hour tracking down his suitcase that arrived on another plane. After getting into hotel, we decide to have a drink in the bar. It’s good to see him after so long and catch up before going to bed.

Moment #4 – Get up to use the bathroom. On the way, I fumble around in the very dark room…and SMACK my nose on the corner of the wall. Crap. (Not the word I used) The noise from the smack is so loud, it wakes up my friend who asks if I am OK. “I’ll tell you in a minute.” Go into bathroom, discover nose is bleeding profusely. Crap! Crap! (not words used). Come out ?? minutes later after bleeding stops. Then upon returning, I cannot stop laughing at how ridiculously humorous the situation is.

The next day I fully expected two black eyes, but thank goodness, all was fine, though my nose was very sore. What is it about me breaking bones while traveling?

Moment #5 – Manage to go the entire day without incident, until walking in botanical gardens filled with cacti…and loose my balance while reading one of the little plagues….fall into a small cactus. Thank goodness there were no spears.

The rest of the trip was great, and will write about that later. Yes, my life is a sitcom. I can hear you laughing…