I am determined.
Sweat on my brow.
Heart in my Throat.
I am at the starting line.

The sound of my heart
Pounds in my head.
Cheers ring in my ears.
They say I can’t.
But I won’t let them win.

I will defy all expectations.
All definitions.
All Doubt.
All Rules.

The naysayers will walk away.
Head Down.
My Will silencing them.

They don’t know the steel frame inside me.
I am determined.
My will pushing me to succeed
Down the hard
Road ahead.

Listen to Your Heart

We have all heard the sage advice to listen to your heart, or your guts as some might also say.  When you are going through a rough time, hunker down, get quiet and still, and listen to that little voice inside of you. And don’t listen to anyone else.

This has never been more true for me than now with buying my house. It started in October when my then landlords started pressuring me to give them an answer as to whether or not I would buy their town home where I had been living.  It was nice enough, but I honestly told them that I would like to look at what is out there in the same price range since I had never bought a house before and had no idea about the market.  And they were livid when I told them that I found a place almost 2 months later.

Looking at what was on the market, led to finding many great houses – but one that always stuck out. I bid on my current house three separate times, and was twice outbid by other buyers. Those deals fell through, and on the third bid, the sellers agreed with me, that this should be my house.

I knew it was supposed to be my house from the moment I saw it. I have had dreams about this house for several years, and in my heart, prayed that I was right.

In addition to being outbid twice, and my landlords trying everything they could to sabotage the purchase, there were also lender issues.  My first lender had not ordered the title or appraisal 1 week before the original scheduled closing. So I had to quickly change lenders…and the closing was rescheduled.

Then there were the ex’s . One somehow found out about the dispossession (from the landlords?) and posted it on the internet, defying a court order to do so. The other was very upset that I would be moving  further away from him and insisted it was a horrible house (even though he had not seen it) and refused to look at it. After we broke up, he threatened to file a bogus lawsuit against me saying “let’s see you get your house now.” Seriously?

There were other hiccups throughout the process, but in the end, they all worked out.  Just as I knew and prayed they would. It was disheartening though, to see people who had been my friends, suddenly turn when I started to achieve large goals in my life. I had never seen what jealousy and envy could do in people’s hearts, had never seen, with my own eyes, other’s try to keep you down so you do not get ahead of them. I am in my 40’s, so I am probably very blessed to have just now experienced that side of humanity.

But there were even more people who helped me get this place – my awesome attorney who made sure my old landlords were kept at bay, the incredible loan officer who worked so hard, despite having to find work-arounds and alternative guidelines, having to work with difficult sellers and under very tight deadlines. My family has been there every step of the way, talking me off the ledge when discouraged and ready to give up, letting me vent, cry and be a mess. My parents  especially.

And then there are my friends, who stood up for me, fought for me, again let me vent, cry, be a mess, kicked my in the pants when I was ready to give up, gave me pep talks. Friends who believe in me, helped me move, pack and everything in between, who love me, and have been there for me in ways too numerous, to deep to write here in this space.

The lesson here is always following your guts, your heart, no matter what. Even when it seems crazy, even when others say you can’t, even when others try to stop you, bully you, intimidate you and cheat you. Laugh at them and know, deep down where you go in the dark, that you have everything you need to reach your goals. Even when others are jealous and try to hold you back. Don’t listen to them, don’t pay attention to the odds; don’t let anyone change your mind. You CAN do it.

I never let them beat me, never let their actions touch me in a permanent way. I know, deep down where the soul reaches the mind, that they can never keep me from my dreams or goals. I WILL make it happen, with faith, family and friends. Work hard, have faith, understand that nothing great comes easy, lean on your friends and let them love you and be there for you, and always follow your heart.  Your heart will never lead you wrong.