Comfort and Walls

Comfort. We all want it and need it. We need and want to feel comfortable, especially with our partner.  I have run up on a subject of comfort that I do not know how to answer. The man I am seeing and I have run up on a few steep issues. There is anger on both sides still and we are trying to see if we still feel comfortable with each other. There are moments when we do, then moments when it seems so far away.

How do you get the comfort back? I wish I knew. My answer is simple: It takes two. You simply go back to where you were the most comfortable and start over. But it takes two. Both have to be willing.

The most comfortable I was with him was just “being.”  It was wonderful. I miss it. I miss him.

I have extended 5 invitations, each one refused. He has extended none, but come to see me thrice. He made the first move that started the reconciliation, yet is still distant and announces he is simply “busy” every weekend.

Where is the comfort?

It is my experience that you can have no comfort with walls and defenses up.

I went to the memorial service of a high school friend today. I wanted to ask that he come over and be with me for a little while. But he does not seem comfortable in such situations…so I asked that he stay away. His walls making me unsure of my own need for comfort.

We both want the same thing, so why is it so complicated? Why are his walls so hard? Why does he fight so hard to keep me out, yet be upset when I get the hint?

Why are men so difficult? It’s not rocket science, it’s just dating. If you want to be with me, be with me. If you want me to stay, be of comfort.  Let me in and let’s have a great rest of the year with each other. Let’s promise that we will be good and gentle, have much fun. Treat me with kindness or go away.


2 thoughts on “Comfort and Walls

  1. adalamar

    An email Comment from John Wilder, my friend.

    wanted to tell you that this man is not the right one for you. A mature man will not do these stupid control games. It is about working out differences, forgiveness and not “punishing” your partner for perceived wrongs.

    Run don’t walk away from this guy.

    blessings on you and yours


  2. I admire you for evaluating the situation with an awareness that can only serve to enlighten and free you from this disappointing relationship. The man is hiding behind his lack of feelings for you. Shallow indeed. Time to move on.


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