There are certain things that are true for people in general. It is human nature to want to be loved, accepted, liked. It is human nature to please others. But what about personal nature? Personal nature is the nature of individuals. Some people are introverted and private, others are extroverted and love people. Some are quietly compassionate, others like being in the spot light. Some retreat when hurt or upset, others yet, face it head on.
So when you are getting ot know someone, getting to know who they are, a large part of it is getting to know their personal nature. it is different than the personality, though personal nature does have a direct affect on it.
Many times mis understandings happen simply because we are not aware of the personal nature of another, not because they are incompatible. It is all just part of getting to know another. We are not aware of how they think, how they move in situations. My parents have the most amazing love story, but it was not always easy, not always fun and not always loving. My mother is feisty and head strong and living with my Dad is not easy. He is my hero, but he is a man of very few words. He is old time country, old time country.
My Dad can compartmentalize like only one other person I have ever met. He can literally put his emotions away, put them in a box, put his work on the front burner, and just get whatever he needs to get done, done. He doesn’t talk about his emotions. Ever. Mom has to do all the talking in that respect. He has gotten better as he has aged, but my mother has told me about many years of feeling very alone because Dad simply just did not talk about how he felt.
They were married 4 months after his divorce was final. My Grandmother proposed to them to them both. She told them they had known each other for 5 years, and did not know that they were in love. That if they did not get married then, they would grow apart and miss the greatest love of their lives. And my grandmother was right.
They got married, Dad’s 2nd marriage, my mothers first. She had been engaged 7 times (she was the original run away bride). My mother said she never wanted to be married. Never had an interest in being a mother. And there she was, married to a man who didn’t talk and had 3 children already. She had a lot of learning to do. Even though they had known each other for 5 years, they had not dated…except during their short engagement. Ever patient, my mother managed to put up with my father…he is a great man, an honest man, loyal to a fault, but very closed.
And that is just his personal nature. Along the way, they have had many fights (not a lot, a fair amount for 45 years). They got to know each other, know their personal nature. And they have managed to love each other all the while, though it has been hard. My mother told me it is the hardest thing to love a man with a closed nature…you spend a lot of time feeling alone. But if it is his nature, then you just accept it.
But first, you must know it is his nature. And he must get to know yours. And that takes time, even 45 years later. And they are the loves of each others lives. My Mother says that people assume that when you are the love of each others lives that it is easy, but it’s not. It takes much work to know the personal nature of a closed man. They are two separate people, with two separate minds and it takes understanding, compassion, patience and time.