A Cry in the Dark

When we get devastating news, it often manifests itself in our dreams. My father has liver disease, and try as I might to be as brave internally as i act externally, I fail brilliantly. No matter how many times I tell myself that there is not need to worry, that we don’ t know anything really until the follow up with the doctor – we don’t know how much time we do or don’t have, we do not know the severity, wqe do not know the details of whether or not he will be able to have a liver transplant, I still cannot reconcile the thoughts or tell my heart to stop breaking. I woke up crying.

He is my Dad, he is strong, capable, he is my hero. He is the one who fixes everything, he cannot be broken. And my heart just aches for him as much as it does myself.

I heard my Mother say that this could be the last Father’s Day with him. I pray that is not the case. I pray we are all just over reacting to the news. That the doctors will tell us he has a good chance of being around for a long time.

I lived with someone the whole time Mom was so sick with Cancer 10 years ago. I now realize what a blessing that was.

We are a very strong and close family. And there are a thousand ways which a heart can break. I don’t want my Dad to die.

Speak to me

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