Pardon me a moment while I get on my soapbox. Let me just vent a moment here. I hate technology when it comes to dating. Actually, no, I hate how men use technology when it comes to dating. I think using technology in dating and personal relationships pretty much ruins them. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with short texting conversations and IMing during the day, especially during working hours, but as we become more technology dependant, it seems like these tools are being mis used.
Text messaging, Instant messaging and emails should NOT be used in getting to know someone on any real or deep level. They should NOT be used during argument, disagreement or any time when there may be high emotional involved. I am not dating a computer screen, so why would I only want to communicate through one, especially if emotions are involved? And how many of you guys have used text, instant or email messaging during a fight? And how did that work out for you? Did it go well or did it spiral into something awful with even more hurt feelings and harsh words? I would be willing to put my money on the latter rather than the former.
That is because you cannot read tone in writing, you cannot see facial expressions or body language. 90% of all communication is not verbal…so when you take the physical and verbal out of it…what exactly do you have left? Not much. You have people reading in their frame of mind, which is rarely the same frame of mind in which the message was written – thus many mis understandings and unnecessary hurt feelings. Not only that, because there are no clues for us to go by, typically people are much more abrasive over the computer. You can’t hear tone of voice, you cannot see body lunguage or when you hurt that person, you don’t know when to tone things down, or to say you are sorry. All of that is taken away.
The only way to truly get to know someone is by being in each other’s physical presence. People can be who and whatever they want over messaging. Trust me, I could write a book on this topic. Using technology in relationships creates a false sense of intimacy. You feel like you know each other better than you actually do. That is a very dangerous thing in this day and age.
It seems like the preferred method of communication by men in relationships is whatever is the least personal…text, IM and email. And they seem to like to handle break ups, make ups and every emotional thing in between with messaging. The fact is that I think men have turned into emotional wimps and just want to do whatever they can to make it the easiest for them. But here’s the deal – if you are old enough and mature enough to have sex with a women, then you should be old enough and mature enough to deal with everything that comes with it – and that includes women’s emotions. Women are emotional. Deal with it or keep your pants zipped.
I have read several articles that say men like to handle communication this way in relationships because it makes dealing with rejection easier. No it doesn’t. I have been dumped via text, email and IM…and trust me, it makes it worse. So guys, if you want to make it work with a girl, pick up the phone at TALK to her. Do it face to face if you can, but if not at least make a call. This will set you apart from the rest. She will appreciate it and trust me, there will be a lot fewer mis understanding and hurt feelings.
Way back in the day, before computers, iPads and cell phones, people actually had to talk to each other. And you know what? The Human race actually survived – no, it flourished. People took their time and got to know each other, build a good foundation. And oddly enough, those relationships and marriages that developed during that time…they lasted. Those are the ones who are still married after 50-60 years. Coincidence? I think not. Personal communication and interaction promotes strong bonding.
On a more personal note, I don’t trust men who handle things mainly by using technology. The man who attacked me only wanted to communicate over IM and text, the man who left me for his ex wife handled that entire situation over email (and most of the relationship over email as well), and the roommate from hell? I cannot even begin to go into the amount of lies I recently found out concerning him – and he was the king of let’s text not talk.
So to me, it is a HUGE red flag if a man will not call or talk face to face. Some one recently told me that I needed a better filter when it came to who I trusted and let into my life. Ironically he said that over IM. I agree with him completely. So, if whatever happens even seems the least bit fishy, I just want to run away from it, and fast. My threshold for even the possibility of getting hurt right now is in the negatives. And I think I have more than earned that right.
If a man wants me to trust him, then he needs to spend time with me, talk to me, let me hear his voice, see his face, look into his eyes, let me touch him. Let me see and feel the tangibility of getting to know him. Let me feel the comfort and safety of letting those bonds be built the old fashioned way.
So a man who dates me right now is going to have to be very patient. I have been through the ringer lately and will not appologize for being extremely cautious and gun shy, or easily spooked. Take it or leave it, but don’t text it or IM it.
I am stepping off my soapbox. We now return to your regularly scheduled programming.