The Balance Between the Shades of Grey

As I read through the book 50 Shades of Grey, not only does it take me an a journey of the story, but of my own discovery and thoughts as well. Though the book is very sensual and erotic, Christian Grey is very damaged, and his constant need for control is quite disturbing. While the idea of a man being dominant and not afraid to take charge is enticing…I realize that I could not do it.

Throughout the story you see that the man who always has to be in control like that is not strong, but actually very weak and incapable of living a normal life. You see his desperation and dysfunction. The girl in the book who is narrating the story longs to touch him, hold him, run her fingers through his hair. Yet he does not allow it. Now only for the control, but because he is incapable of such love and intimacy.

What I want is a man who can be my equal, my partner. I want to be cherished, not owned. I want to be told I am beautiful, and have that person mean it. And while all that is talked about in the book is fun every now and then, the bottom line, nothing beats genuine intimacy. And when two people have a genuine connection, none of that stuff is truly needed. Maybe to spice things up ever now and then, but if a man needs to be in total control every time – that is a huge red flag. To be caressed, cherished, kissed passionately, deeply, slowly, sweetly…is wonderful.

A man who has to be in total control like that will not let it end in the bedroom. And that is not something I could abide. Yes, it is true that I have been on my own for 20 years now and want a man who can come in and take over and give me a break so I can rest for a bit. But I also want a man that can truly be a partner. I already have a father and I don’t need another. But I do need and want a partner, someone who can keep up, someone who will want one day to be a husband and father, and to build a life with much love and laughter.

Women want both – the strong, sexy, brooding, take you now and be in total control moments, and we also want and need, the romance and intimacy. A balance of both is what is key. While a man throwing you down and having his way is hot…a man who can only do that is not a man in which I am interested. That dynamic, while sexy, is not conducive to a functional relationship. A man that can do both, cherish and take when the moment strikes is one to be cherished in return.


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