Many people assume that if you are alone that you are lonely. The two are not synonymous. I have been on my own for 20 years now, but have only a few times ever felt lonely. But it was very uncomfortable…like a distant longing someone where deep in the soul. Kind of like hearing a train whistle in the dead of night, with no other sounds around.
Recently several people I know have said they are staying with whom they are with not out of love, but because they do not want to be alone, they do not want to be lonely. And the thought makes me sad for them. I think this happens a lot on life though. I hope no one would stay with me because they simply didn’t want to be alone. I want who ever is with me to be there because they love me, and because they are happy.
I think when we base decisions on fear, such as fear of being alone, we end up making mistakes. And we could possibly miss out on someone who would otherwise be the love of our lives.
This is not to say I have not struggled with isolation. I have. But it is a bit different than the typical…but then when have I ever been typical? My struggle comes from the fact that I am so used to being alone, so used to doing things myself, that I often find it hard to connect with others. I love people, and I have a lot of friends, though only a handful are very close (and I like it that way). I do not feel the need to have a lot of people around to distract me from inner demons and issues. Those have long been dealt with and put to bed.
Where I get into trouble is that now that I have decided not to be alone anymore, that I am looking for something more than just a life for myself in which to build, I have a tendency to go overboard with the connection. I try to force it. Think of someone who is a bit in experienced…they try too hard sometimes. And that is what I do. The bottom line is that you cannot force the heart. And either a connecting is there or is isn’t.
I was reminded of that several months ago when I met someone and WOW, it nearly knocked me off my feet. Instant connection and very strong. And if anything, the problem was trying to stop that connection. It was there whether or not we talked or communicated. I did not have to do anything. This taught me a valuable lesson (well, many if I am honest). While it was very hard to walk away from such a connection, I learned that you don’t have to do anything per say, when it is there organically.
In this day and age of force it if it doesn’t fit and reality TV stars showing us how to manipulate things and people to get what you want…is there such a thing as just letting it happen naturally? Yes, I think so. And that is for what I strive. It takes trusting yourself though. It takes being very secure in yourself and the world around you. It takes patience and it takes confidence.
The man I felt that wonderful connection to will not be the last man I feel that with in my life. And I think we forget that. There are so many people, yet our world shrinks and we forget how young we are, and how many chances we have each day to meet someone special. How many chances we have to connect with another.
So my next assignment, is to let things unfold naturally. To sit back and relax, so to speak. I do not have to do anything to “force” a connection. I am not lonely, though I am looking for a relationship. I can wait however long it takes to find that right one. And so can everyone else. So lets all just take a deep breath and …relax.