Repost: Balancing Needs


Reposted by request, and it seems very fitting. Let me edit first by saying that yes, I do agree that is should be 100-100. When I wrote this, I meant it to mean that you give 100% of what you can…but maybe you are sick, or have to work late on aoroject for a bit, or are busy with kids, or have a sick relative. And in that case, the partner picks up the slack and gives maybe 120%. But it is a constant give and take of supporting each other. Both give 100% of what they can at the time:

We all have needs. Things we need from others in our life. When we are in a relationship, part of the problem is communicating what you need. That has never been my problem. I am very good at communicating what I need.

The trick is finding someone who you can tell your needs to and have them met. Men always say they want a girl who tells them what they (the girl) need, a girl who will be assertive and not make the man guess what is wrong. I don’t think men know what they want, because I am that kind of girl and it only causes problems. And I guess it will continue to cause problems until I find that man who is the right fit. You, that mysterious “One” people talk about.

For that man who is a fit, he will gain a wonderful partner. Someone who will always be there for them, but it must be reciprocated. I think some guys get lazy when they are spoiled, and then when the girl needs something, they get upset. – Well she hasn’t needed anything before? She hasn’t required anything but me saying thank you for cooking, cleaning, and everything else-ing, why do I have do anything more now? Where is this coming from? Why is she being so unreasonable? I just need some space….

But the man who is the right one for me, will gladly step up and support me as much as I have them. It will be a true partnership, one where there is give and take. And I don’t think it is ever fair to say 50/50, because life doesn’t happen 50/50. Life happens all kinds of ways and most of the time one person will give 70% the other 30%, then the next time it may be 20/80, then the next time 60/40…but it all balances.

The problem happens when the one who has given 70% suddenly can only give 20%…and the other who is ised to recieving that 70%, is not ready to give 80% in return. Confused yet? Yes math, and relationships, do that to a lot of people. But that is what being a partner means, picking up the slack when the other cannot do that 50%, and the other picking up your slack when you cannot do your share either. It should balance out.

And if a person is brave enough to say what they need, brave enough to trust and be vulnerable, to say they cannot do it all themselves and need a partner, and that partner bails….Then was the bailing party ever a partner to begin with? Probably not. But if that partner steps up, then hold onto them, because they are a rare jem indeed.

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5 thoughts on “Repost: Balancing Needs

  1. Hey Ada
    I don’t believe in 50-50 relationships but 100-100.

    Happily ever after is really simple. It simply involves you never
    saying no to your partner unless it is illegal, immoral or
    humiliating.

    I say that the word NO is such an ugly word. It implies
    that your partners wants and needs and desires take
    back seat to yours and you can’t be bothered with theirs

    Blessings on you and yours
    John

    1. adalamar

      I completely agree with you on 100-100. when I wrote this, I meant it to meant that they give 100% of what they can…but they only be 80%…maybe they are sick, or have to work late f=on aoroject for a bit, or are busy wtihkids, or have a sick relative. And this that case, the partner picks up the slack and gives maybe 120%. But it is a constant give and take of supporting each other.

  2. Hey Ada
    Well of course I can understand that it is give and take. My point is that most of us are self centered and
    give not thought about saying no to a partner. What that brings about is usually passive aggressive
    behavior where the partner who is told no then turns around and becomes less willing to give what the
    other partner is asking for and it spirals down into dysfunction. Hence the admonition not to say no.

    John

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