Depth and Breadth


We all have those times or events on our life where we take a step back and take stock in who we have in our lives. The kinds of people we have in our lives. Recent events have made me take a good honest look at precisely that, and have thus caused a subsequent “cleaning out” of sorts. Everyone that didn’t seem to measure up, anyone who was dead weight, anyone who did not contribute something, in some way, was put out.

Now that I have space, it is very important to me that those who come in my life are quality. They must be exraordinary, because I am extraordinary. The fact is that when we try to lower our own standards to let more in our lives, we many times end up letting in the trash. I have found that it is actually harder to have a good life when you are surrounded by those who are not up to standard. Those people can hurt you more and make your life much more difficult than it would be otherwise.

We are taught that is it not right to judge others, but I think it is necessary, especially when determining who you want in your life as a friend, lover, co-worker, business partner or whatever. It is more than just with whom you can share a good time or laugh. To me, it is also whose values mirror my own.  I want deep character in my life. But in a world where people are obsessed with Angelina’s Leg, whether or not Snookie is pregnant and the death of Whitney Houston…is there any such thing as depth of character anymore?

Yes, I think so, but it is increasingly rare. And I think you have to look for it, and not accept what seems to be face value. Anyone can seem nice and wonderful on the surface, but only time will tell you what substance, if any, a person is made. I do think most people are good, kind and do the best they can any given moment. But for me, for who is in the “inner circle” of my life, that is not enough.

What gives a person depth? First, I think they have to be someone of faith, because faith is where you learn a good solid value system. Society’s values change, but faith based on believing in something larger than yourself, stays constant. It’s been 2,000 years and the 10 Commandments are still the same.

I also think having good solid family relationships promote depth as well. That is because whether it is our children, siblings or parents, if we are surrounded by those who love us and are loyal, we learn by example. If someone is a parent, you can learn a lot about them by the values they teach their children, again not just by teaching, but by example. Deep loyalty and love is then instilled in us, it is in our bones.  And no matter what, we always return to what we know in our bones. The same with being taught compassion, kindness, charity and character. A solid family that reinforces what is taught by strong faith is so important.

There is much more, but that is what I look for to start. No one is perfect and we will all make mistakes (especially me). You don’t have to be perfect to be a person of depth and quality, but how someone handles mistakes is very telling as well.  With all this in mind, I am perfectly happy having a small group of people in my life, and I would much rather have depth then breadth when it comes to the people in my life.

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4 thoughts on “Depth and Breadth

  1. Love your inclusion of “compassion, kindness, charity and character”–yes these do build wonderful depth in our lives. Richness in each relationship, per the guidelines you have so wisely chosen for yourself, more than makes up for breadth in numbers (often shallow, as you say!) Excellent post revealing excellent spiritual and mental growth here, Ada! You go, girl!

    1. adalamar

      Those things really are important to me…and I would much rather have fewer people that are deep. Thanks for your support.

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