There truly are no words to describe the feeling. Both my parents have now survived and been cured or incurable, terminal cancers. It is a realization that has had a profound effect on me.
Yesterday, I sobbed. I sobbed outof happiness, out of thankfulness, out of amazement and out of humbleness. Miracles have that effect on people. And my family has had a wonderful stream of miracles.
And I sobbed for another reason yesterday. How can I be worthy of such miracles? I do not deserve them. I have done nothing that good. I have not been to church in many months, actually before the attack. I have not forgiven, I am still angry, I have not earned what I have been given. And yet, there is Grace for me.
And I have not been to service because I have not felt like I can ask forgiveness from God when I cannot forgive others. How can I? And this very wise person said to me, that I do no have to, that God’s forgiveness and love are a gift. His Grace is a gift. He can forgive us because he is God and is capable of infinite love. He is much more capable than we, in our limited human state, can even comprehend. Why, how, then would I expect myself to be at that level and able to forgive? If I cannot it is because I am human and have human limitations. But God’s Grace is there for me, and that is why it is called Grace.
And I sobbed. From the very deepest places within me, I sobbed. It is one thing to read about the Grace of God, it is entirely another thing to have the realization that it is truly gifted to you when you try with all you have and still come up short.
This morning, I slept a bit late and let this really sink into me, into those deep places that seldom see light, into my soul and my inner conscienceness. And today, though I still walk around a bit stunned, I can feel something creep in….it is a joy that I have not felt in a long time. A joy deeper than I thought it could go. And I truly believe that anything is possible.
Don’t get me wrong, I have always been a very faithful and optimistic person, but this is deeper than I have felt before. It is more than a belief, it is a knowing. And how can I not know? How can I look at my parents, both who should be on deaths door with cancer, and not carry the belief that there are an infinite amount of possibilities out there? How can I not believe that my dreams can really come true when I look at the miracles in my family?
And so it is with this renewed sense of joy that I great the world with today, and every day from this day forward, with thankfulness in my heart, God in my soul, Grace in my mind and a sense of adventure in my hands.