In the beginning…yes, those are words with which we are very familiar. And I find myself wondering what the rest of the story will be. There are many new chapters in my life; a new job, new writings, a new year, and many new possibilities. Through them all I will strive to keep true to myself, to keep reaching, learning and striving to better every day. There is an friend who is helping me along the way. Well, many who are helping actually, but one in particular. And this begs the question, if we already know the person, can it be new?
There is already a level of comfort and trust, already a knowledge of each other and already a comfort that has been established. We are spending Thanksgiving together, with my family and I wonder how this will be. I wonder what we will learn. In this day and age of the newest is the best, bigger is better and flashy is king, can we actually learn from something , or someone that is not new?
Yes I think so. It is our job in life to alwasy be learning and growing. And this person is helping me see things that I had long forgotten, about trust, about fear, about opening up, about grief, about all of this that is relevant in life. And I am happy for the reminder.
I am also being reminded of the simple little things to enjoy about a man and a woman. Not from a sexual standpoint, but a place much deeper – the wonderful comfort a woman can feel being close to a man, to someone who cherishes her and thinks she is beautiful. Yes, indeed I was told for the first time in a long time, that I was beautiful. Not hot, as most men say, but beautiful. In a moment when there was no make up, no attractive lighting, no hair that was fixed, just me. And to be appreciated on that basic level, was a very nice reminder.
And as I have cried there have been whispers of comfort, of friendship, of compassion, understanding and encouragement. And quietly, ever so quietly, my fears are dissipating. Like the Pink Floyd song, I am (re)learning to fly. Marilyn Monroe once said “If you cannot take me at my worst, then you do not deserve me at my best.” He is teaching me that she was right.
He has brought back the human element to spending time with another.
And the little things of watching TV or movies on the couch snuggling are what he is reminding me of as well. Talking during commercial breaks, laughing at the same thoughts or trying to figure out which TV remote controls the volume. A newness is growing out of a friendship that has existed. There is nothing to hide, we both know of each others past struggles and he brings an extreme amount of compassion and dignity to the table. He is highly educated and we often have very philosophical conversations about life, love, religion and of where we are going from here. Yes, we could talk for hours and often do.
And gently, ever so gently. And I wonder if this is what was meant when it was said that learning to let go and letting someone in is a beautiful thing? And gently, ever so gently, he is patient. He knows I need time to go slowly, so slowly. When asked if my need for slow bothers him, his answer is a simple one, and one I believe. There is plenty if time. No one needs to rush because time is on our side.
I do not know where it may lead, I do not pretend the outcome. I can simply say that right now I am enjoying the lessons he teaches and am taking notes. In life, it is the learning and relearning of lessons that keep us growing, humble and thankful.