OK, you all have been amused by my online dating stores, now to share one that truly takes the cake. This happened to a friend of mine and when she told me I was compelled to write about it. You cannot make this stuff up….
There comes a time in everyone’s one life when they have a choice to make, when they have to decide what kind of person they want to be and what is truly important to them. This is such a story of a man, a man whose decision, no doubt, will inspire awe in others. Who is this man? He is a man a friend of mine dated, his name is Not-Axel (names have been changed). He and my friend had dated for a few months, gotten to know each other a bit and after a short break from their relationship, he was wooing her again, texting her, buying things for her to keep at his place and such.
After the wonderful dinner he had so caringly prepared for her, she, being A sensible woman who he had broken up with just two weeks prior asked him what they were doing – were they dating again? His response was that they were “hanging out”…Hmmmm she typically did not kiss those she was just hanging out with. Upon further questioning he revealed what his fantasy relationship was:
Not-Axel was going to Cancun over the weekend and though he wanted to have sex with her, he also wanted to be able to have sex with any other hot girl he saw on vacation, and not feel guilty. Not-Axel’s fantasy relationship was to have an open sexual relationship with her, where they have sex with each other, and have sex with others, and even come together and talk about those sexual experiences and this discussion draws them closer. And then a relationship grows from there..
I’ll give you a moment to stop laughing…
1. Men have been trying to figure out how to successfully do this for centuries…and no one has. If someone had, then they would have written a book about it and it would forever be on the New York times Best Seller list. Does Not-Axel think he is Einstein or Casanova reincarnated? What exactly makes him think that he is so brilliant that he has solved one of the greatest mysteries of mankind??
2. That is called Swinging…and maybe he SHOULD have checked the “alternative lifestyle/open relationship” box on his online dating profile. They also have websites for that…so so how about getting off main stream dating sites and getting on alternative lifestyle ones…either way, you would think he would not waste his time, or a non-swinging girls time, with trying to date her.
3. He should have had the “oh, by the way, I am a swinger and like open relationships” conversation with her BEFORE they dated for 3 months…that is something you would tell someone pretty soon into things….Ya think???
4. MID-LIFE CRISIS. That’s right, our hero is not a teenage boy, but a 43 year old man afraid of losing his job after a dismal year of sales. No doubt nothing dying his hair to cover the gray, getting a bimbo in Cancun and maybe a nifty new sports car can’t fix…Right?
5. Does this guy have fireworks shooting out of his ass? What makes him think that he in interesting or talented enough that someone would actually want to engage in this kind of lifestyle with him? Or maybe he is so bad in bed this is the only way he has to “live up” to expectations?
6. Three letters: S. T. D. – Being tested and getting shots every month is NOT why you want to be on a first name basis with your doctor.
7. Are Not-Axel’s best friend’s Tiger Woods and Jesse James? Not-Axel is twice divorced….now we know why.
No doubt my friend will not be going out with Not-Axel anymore…aside from not being able to look at him again without bursting out in laughter at his complete stupidity…she herself does not want to be subjected to all the health hazards associated with having multiple sexual partners.
Obviously she will be moving onto to bigger (every pun intended) and better things.