To Swing or Not to Swing


OK, you all have been amused by my online dating stores, now to share one that truly takes the cake. This happened to a friend of mine and when she told me I was compelled to write about it. You cannot make this stuff up….

There comes a time in everyone’s one life when they have a choice to make, when they have to decide what kind of person they want to be and what is truly important to them. This is such a story of a man, a man whose decision, no doubt, will inspire awe in others. Who is this man? He is a man a friend of mine dated, his name is Not-Axel (names have been changed). He and my friend had dated for a few months, gotten to know each other a bit and after a short break from their relationship, he was wooing her again, texting her, buying things for her to keep at his place and such.

After the wonderful dinner he had so caringly prepared for her, she, being A sensible woman who he had broken up with just two weeks prior asked him what they were doing – were they dating again? His response was that they were “hanging out”…Hmmmm she typically did not kiss those she was just hanging out with. Upon further questioning he revealed what his fantasy relationship was:

Not-Axel was going to Cancun over the weekend and though he wanted to have sex with her, he also wanted to be able to have sex with any other hot girl he saw on vacation, and not feel guilty. Not-Axel’s fantasy relationship was to have an open sexual relationship with her, where they have sex with each other, and have sex with others, and even come together and talk about those sexual experiences and this discussion draws them closer. And then a relationship grows from there..

I’ll give you a moment to stop laughing…

1. Men have been trying to figure out how to successfully do this for centuries…and no one has. If someone had, then they would have written a book about it and it would forever be on the New York times Best Seller list. Does Not-Axel think he is Einstein or Casanova reincarnated? What exactly makes him think that he is so brilliant that he has solved one of the greatest mysteries of mankind??

2. That is called Swinging…and maybe he SHOULD have checked the “alternative lifestyle/open relationship” box on his online dating profile. They also have websites for that…so so how about getting off main stream dating sites and getting on alternative lifestyle ones…either way, you would think he would not waste his time, or a non-swinging girls time, with trying to date her.

3.  He should have had the “oh, by the way, I am a swinger and like open relationships” conversation with her BEFORE they dated for 3 months…that is something you would tell someone pretty soon into things….Ya think???

4. MID-LIFE CRISIS. That’s right, our hero is not a teenage boy, but a 43 year old man afraid of losing his job after a dismal year of sales.  No doubt nothing dying his hair to cover the gray, getting a bimbo in Cancun and maybe a nifty new sports car can’t fix…Right?

5. Does this guy have fireworks shooting out of his ass? What makes him think that he in interesting or talented enough that someone would actually want to engage in this kind of lifestyle with him?  Or maybe he is so bad in bed this is the only way he has to “live up” to expectations?

6. Three letters: S. T. D. – Being tested and getting shots every month is NOT why you want to be on a first name basis with your doctor.

7. Are Not-Axel’s best friend’s Tiger Woods and Jesse James?  Not-Axel is twice divorced….now we know why.

No doubt my friend will not be going out with Not-Axel anymore…aside from not being able to look at him again without bursting out in laughter at his complete stupidity…she herself does not want to be subjected to all the health hazards associated with having multiple sexual partners.

Obviously she will be moving onto to bigger (every pun intended) and better things.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

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25 thoughts on “To Swing or Not to Swing

  1. Makes me ashamed of my sex. I want to assure all the women who read this blog that there are a lot of very good guys out there and we are not all assholes.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

    1. adalamar

      Thanks John! It’s amazing, this post is also on a few other sites, and there is an outpouring of men who are outraged by Not-Axel’s behavior. I thought it would be the women, but they are just think it’s funny and laugh at him.

      Thanks for reading and as always, thanks for your point of view. 🙂

      Blessings. 🙂

  2. adalamar

    Thanks Christopher. No doubt there are still nice guys out there, just Not-Axel is not one of them. But he did provide good writing material. 🙂

  3. Lynn

    This guy needs to crawl back under the rock he crawled out from under. I agree that there are wonderful men out there and hopefully this sexual predator doesn’t make your friend think otherwise. What a creep!

  4. Bobby

    He obviously has issues and needs to take that vacation money to invest in a good shrink!

    Most men do not think this way at all and I’m sorry your friend had this experience. He’s is the reason why nice guys never get a chance.

  5. Michael

    that is f*cked up. This this guy is a nutcase! If he wants to lead the alternative lifestyle then he should be honest about it.

    All men are not like that and he abviously needs professional help.

  6. Shawn

    A man who truly respects a woman will not act this way. He is a jerk and your friend is much better off without him. No, most guys are not like this at all. Most men want to be with just one women.

  7. Rick

    Your post is very funny, but please don’t think all men are like this. He is an asshole. He has no honor or integrity and many men still do. Tell your friend to keep looking and she will find a good man because we are out there!

  8. Angela

    What a fruitloop! Yes, he has issues and needs to see a shrink. Sometimes you have to just shake your head and wonder what planet people are on. That is not how love, relationships or even dating works! And he is 43?????

    He has probably done this before and just wanted to see if your friend would go along with it.

  9. Greg

    He’s a total douchebag. Good for your friend for not putting up with his bullsh*t! No woman deserves to be treated like that. He is not a normal man, he does not want normal things and I am sure he will end up alone with many STD’s.

  10. Richard

    What a loser. Men who are secure in themselves do not have to sleep around with a lot of women. He is emotionally immature and is probably trying to over compensate for what he is lacking.

  11. Stacy

    Wow, I thought I had heard some bad ones – he is an a$$. Your friend needs to get tested for STD’s right away!

    That lifestyle is not safe and age and if he is 43, even is he is going through a midlife crisis, should know better.

  12. Robert

    As a man and a father, I have to wonder what his father taught him about how to treat women? Real men know they don’t have to sleep around to get respect. He is insecure and an idiot.

    Your friend can do a lot better.

  13. Steve

    He’s a scared insecure little man trying to make up for what he is lacking.

    There are a lot of great men out there and your friend should not settle for trash like that.

  14. Chance

    Love the image of the fireowrks! Seriously, he if wants to chase skanks, let him go. There are plenty great men out there, so your friend should not let his ignorance discourage her.

  15. Reggie

    It’s assholes like him that make it impossible for nice guys to have a chance. Hopefully she won’t take it out on the next guy.

  16. Andrea

    OMG! This man is beyond a nutcase. Does he not understand that he is putting her, and every other woman he sleeps with in danger with irresponsible and immature behavior such as that? The health risks alone are staggering. If he is going to have vacation flings in 3rd world countries like Mexico, there is no telling what he will get.

    And what about what his parents taught him? I bet they would be ashamed of what he is doing. It’s a shame they can’t somehow read this blog.

    Major Doushebag

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