What is Cheating?


Just saw a Jerry Springer show on cheating – no I do not watch the show, I am at a Dr’s office and it was on…and it is like a train wreck. You know you shouldn’t watch, yet you just can’t help it.

So, what constitutes cheating? Well, there is the obvious – sleeping with someone else. But is that all? Not to me. To me, there are other aspects of it aside from the obvious. There are a lot of conscious decisions made long before the actual act. You cannot control who you are attracted to, but you can control whether or not you act on it. If you are in a committed relationship, you stay away from that person – period.

Before the act, if you are spending time with someone else other than your partner that you are attracted to, then you are setting the stage for the inevitable. You are spending time getting to know this other person, talking to them, texting them, sharing with them. All things you are not doing with your committed partner. But it’s not yet “cheating” right? I think it is…

I have been cheated on a few times and it always started as an “innocent” friendship. I don’t mean the legitimate kind where the person has been his or her friend for many years, I mean the kind where they just recently met.

I am not a jealous person, but not an idiot either. And what I base my opinion on is would I do it to my partner? Would I want it done to me?  After all, if I wouldn’t want it done to me, how could I justify it to my partner?

If I was in a committed relationship and found someone else I was attracted to, then I would stay away from them I because that is what I would want my partner to do. I would not call, text, email or talk to them – because I would not want my partner to either. I would not set the stage to cheat, do anything that looked suspicious or have another waiting in the wings. Again because I would not want my partner to do that to me.

At some point we have to trust. And many times those who are the most suspicious are those who are the most guilty. The act of cheating is never an accident as it requires many “innocent” decisions to be made before the actual act. That is why it is such a betrayal.

And that is why I could never do it. I am too bad at lying and my conscience would eat me alive. After having it done to me, I know how much it hurts. The violation, the anger, humiliation, shame and the betrayal. Ugh.

And I guess that is why I will never be on the Jerry Springer show…

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