As I walked the neighborhood, I started thinking about the projects waiting for me at home…like the desk and the ceiling fan. Also need my bed frame tightened up and surround sound speakers adjusted.
I need help doing these projects, but am at a loss. A lot of guys I know are not very mechanically inclined and the others make moves on me. I suppose women have flirted with men to get favors since the beginning of time…but when they are in your home? Probably not a good idea unless you are planning to follow through on the flirting.
Upon inspection of the desk, it will be easy to put together, something I could do myself. Except the top is 8 feet long by 4 feet wide and probably weighs about 150lbs. While I am freakishly strong, that might be a bit much for even me. Maybe there is some way involving physics that could get that top in place without me being crushed…or maybe I could just use the Force to move it. Hmmm, somehow if I can’t get my dishes to wash themselves then I don’t the Force is strong enough in me to move that desk top.
The ceiling fan…well, that would be easier..if I had a ladder….and were taller. Obviously they did not have people who are 5’2″ in mind when designing ceiling fans. I don’t trust maintenance, as they can’t even get the regular apartment things right. Maybe I could do it myself….how hard could it be in install one of those things anyway? (famous last words). I mean all you do is connect the colored coded wires, right? Well, if you hear a news report about an apartment complex on fire…you’ll know what happened.
One thing about the handyman for the House of Horrors – he was a drunk, but he sure could fix/install anything. For a brief moment I miss him…then I remember all the Jagger he drank while fixing things. So what is a single girl to do?? I have it! I’ll take out a personal ad. It will read something like this:
Wanted: Mechanically inclined gay man available for snuggling on the couch, watching chick flicks, late night talks, and Sunday Brunches. Also for installing ceiling fans, assembling desks and other small handyman projects. Will supply tools. Must like chocolate.