There is a nasty word out there that men and women across the country. It is the word called settling. This morning I read and article about a woman who wrote a book about learning to settle with your life. All of the sudden she is getting backlash from all around. The premise of her book is that we need to learn to be happy NOT getting everything we want. In this day and age of the Promise, the Law of Atraction and having it all is King….is there such a thing? If we expect to have 100% of what we want all the time or nothing at all…are we actually 100%ing ourselves right out of a happy life?
There is an old rule some may have heard about…The 80/20 Rule. It’s the fact that if you can find a job, a partner, a house, or whatever, that is 80% of what you want, then don’t worry about the other 20%. And don’t give up the 80% to chase after the 20%…Could this simple rule really be the secret after all?
At some point in our lives we really do need to take a realistic view of our lives and what we want. we need to accept the fact that we may never be a rockstar, a fashion designer, Oscar winning actress, or marry prince charming (or Cinderella). But there is a difference between settling and accepting. Settling has a negative connotation; how many times have we heard “Don’t settle”? and we shouldn’t. But we should be realistic about ourselves, our lives, our job and our partner. If you can find a job that has 80% of what you want, and you can live with the remaining 20%…aren’t you ahead of the game right there? Don’t you have more than most?
It’s the same with a partner. No one is perfect, but if we can find a partner that has the most important 80% of what we want… and we can live with the remaining unperfect 20%…then aren’t we doing pretty damn good? Doesn’t it feel good to know that you don’t have to have everything just perfect to find happiness? because when we go in with that I want 100% of what I want or nothing at all…don’t we find that at the end of the day…we have nothing at all?
I have to accept the fact that I will never marry Simon baker (he would have to divorce the wench woman he is currently married to)…but that’s OK. I can still meet great people, date some of them and maybe at some point settle down with someone who isn’t Simon, but who is honest, charming, ethical and a great kisser. And I can still be very happy.
Finding happiness is not abandoning your dreams, lowering your standards or settling in any way. It is finding that magic percentile of imperfection you can live with. Think about it, we wold drive ourselves crazy if we had to be perfect all the time…so why would be expect our jobs, our work, our family, our partners, our lives to be perfect? if we can find a way to live with daily imperfections, then happiness surely can’t be that far away. 🙂